Everyone was finicky over me all day, I really was okay, just very unbelievably tired...
Carlisle had an afternoon shift at the hospital, so he insisted on doing some blood work, and taking it along to run a "few more tests, better safe than sorry", he'd said.
Esme made Jake and I a nice breakfast, I ate 2 scrambled eggs, and I felt much better afterwards,
"You seem to have a little more color back in your face", Jake said stroking my cheek with the back of his hand... "Yeah, I feel much better now maybe it was just the lack of sleep and low blood sugar", I said pecking him on the cheek.
My Mother and Father came around the corner, my Mother finally looked back to normal, she'd followed me around with a worried expression all morning, a line of worry creasing between her eyes, my Father reading my every thought making sure there wasn't anything that I wasn't saying..
She smiled and rubbed my hair, tucking the loose curl behind my ear, "I'm glad your feeling better dear, your Grandpa Charlie and Sue are coming over to visit later, and I was hoping you'd be back to normal. He's ready to see all the wedding photos, your Father read in his thoughts at the wedding that he had taken down my kindergarten picture on the mantle to clear out a space for his official wedding photo", she said smiling.
We all started laughing, and she mouthed "Thank You" in my direction.
Just then there was a light knock at the door, Esme went to welcome Charlie and Sue, and our family spent the rest of the evening looking over all the photos Alice had picked up from the photographer just the day before...
They were truly beautiful, the light that day was just enough to cast an amazing glow across the wedding party, you could almost see a faint glimmer in the faces of my family.. Jake decided to keep the photo of the two of us standing by his house looking out at the lake, he said this was for the "book".
Esme fixed a lovely meal for everyone, we all sat around shooting the breeze, just thankful for each other's company, our happiness, our love, our health.....
After we said goodbye to Grandpa Charlie and Sue for the night, Charlie with a stack of photos under his arm. We said goodnight to my family, hugging my Mother and Father, and started walking towards our house..
We'd made it about halfway there, when Jake pulled me to a stop with the hand he'd been holding, we'd reached a break in the trees and we were standing right in the moonlight... he passionately kissed me, wrapping his hands in my hair, I could feel my breathing speed up, feel my heart accelerating. He wrapped his arms around my waist whispering in my ear, "Ness, I love you, thank you for being my wife.."
I smiled as we started walking back towards the house...
But there was an understated urgency to his kiss, I'd have to explore that later, sometimes I felt Jacob knew me better than I knew myself...
My life had flown by so fast, sometimes it was hard to savor every important moment, moments like that when we just took the time to stop, smell the roses and affirm the emotion and love at that moment, those were the most important moments to me, not grand gestures small intimate moments, those were the ones that you couldn't replace, they meant the most... I was so thankful that Jake realized that, he was such a simple, beautiful man..
I was so thankful for my family, friends, and husband, I truly could not ask for more, as we got closer to the house I couldn't help but be thankful for all the beautiful things in my life. Time had been such a blur since the wedding with all the pieces of my life falling into place with perfect clarity, I had everything I'd ever hoped for that's when I realized what I didn't have, the one thing that I was missing..... and I froze my heart stopping...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Back to Reality...
I sat up in bed covered in sweat, the morning sun just barely peeking out over the horizon, casting a light across the hardwood floor of our bedroom.
Jake slowly rolled over stretching, "What's wrong Ness, did you have another bad dream? You were talking in your sleep all night, tossing and turning.... I wanted to wake you up, but I was just glad you were sleeping at all.." he said.
"Yeah, it's the same dream that's been plaguing me for two weeks", I said, not adding that there had been some new additions to this nightmare..
It had started with a memory, a very pronounced memory, a memory of my Mother marred moments after my birth... It was my first memory of my Mother, and unfortunately time had not touched this particular memory in any way, though I had hoped that it would many times...
Every night for a week I would wake up to this horrible vision of my Mother ending with a faint smile, followed by a look of confusion and pain washing across her face, I would awake disoriented and full of guilt for having caused her so much pain...
But what followed after was no comparison to this vision, I had tossed and turned not able to shake myself from the dream, when I heard a shot fired out, from somewhere, but I could find no source, all of a sudden I looked up and I was in the middle of the forest, in our meadow holding a baby, a baby that had clearly been injured, I could feel my heart shattering as I awoke...
Jake, always with my best interest and hoping to make light of the entire situation, accredited it to watching the nightly news before bed, and maybe that's all it was... but I just wasn't myself lately.
I got up and went into the bathroom at the side of the bedroom to get a glass of water, and Jake followed behind shortly after wrapping his arms around my waist, and lightly kissing me on the neck..
"I really am sorry that you haven't been sleeping well, I wish there was something.... anything I could do to help you", he said.. I turned and lightly pecked him on the cheek.
"I'm sure it will pass, it's just been crazy these last couple of months, once things get settled my insomnia will disappear", I said.
"Well I certainly hope so", he said, lightly tracing his fingertips across the dark circles under my eyes, "I'm ready to get my energetic, feisty Ness back, you've been looking like one of them lately", he said laughing, while forming quotation marks in the air.
I laughed to, mock biting his neck, "I vant to suck your blood...." I said chasing him back to the bedroom..
Later, Jake and I were running through the woods to my parents home when, the most unbelievable bout of fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat down on a cool stone and layed my face in my hands, it took Jake just a few seconds to realize that I wasn't following him anymore, and while I heard him walking back to where I was sitting, I felt like I didn't even have the energy to lift my head to look at him.
Jake knelt down beside me, sympathetically rubbing my hair, "Ness, what's wrong are you not feeling well?".
"No, I'm okay I guess the sleepless nights are starting to catch up to me, that's all. I just got really tired all of a sudden..." I said.
"Do you want to go back and lie down, I'll go let your family know you just needed a little extra rest this morning..", he said.
"No, really I'll be fine", I said standing up I swayed and he caught me by the elbow, balance had never been an issue with me before, of course I had never had a problem sleeping before either, I guess it was affecting me more than I had realized....I felt like my whole equilibrium was off..
Jake slipped off his shorts and transformed into a wolf, carrying me back to my parents house, I could hear my Father playing the piano, a few hundred yards back, and as we approached I knew he heard my thoughts because he switched to my lullaby... My Mother was standing at the back glass watching us approach, and I guess I must have looked about as good as I felt, because one minute I looked up and she was standing at the back glass, the next I could feel her cold hand on my forehead...
"Renesmee, what's the matter, are you sick?" ,she said.
"No, Mom I'm fine I just haven't been sleeping well, you know bad dreams..." ,she looked at me sympathetically, and I knew she understood, although she hadn't slept in about 10 years, the nightmares that plagued her in her formal life were still a pronounced memory..
Carlisle met us at the back door with a worried look on his face, and all I could think was,
"What now?"
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Jake slowly rolled over stretching, "What's wrong Ness, did you have another bad dream? You were talking in your sleep all night, tossing and turning.... I wanted to wake you up, but I was just glad you were sleeping at all.." he said.
"Yeah, it's the same dream that's been plaguing me for two weeks", I said, not adding that there had been some new additions to this nightmare..
It had started with a memory, a very pronounced memory, a memory of my Mother marred moments after my birth... It was my first memory of my Mother, and unfortunately time had not touched this particular memory in any way, though I had hoped that it would many times...
Every night for a week I would wake up to this horrible vision of my Mother ending with a faint smile, followed by a look of confusion and pain washing across her face, I would awake disoriented and full of guilt for having caused her so much pain...
But what followed after was no comparison to this vision, I had tossed and turned not able to shake myself from the dream, when I heard a shot fired out, from somewhere, but I could find no source, all of a sudden I looked up and I was in the middle of the forest, in our meadow holding a baby, a baby that had clearly been injured, I could feel my heart shattering as I awoke...
Jake, always with my best interest and hoping to make light of the entire situation, accredited it to watching the nightly news before bed, and maybe that's all it was... but I just wasn't myself lately.
I got up and went into the bathroom at the side of the bedroom to get a glass of water, and Jake followed behind shortly after wrapping his arms around my waist, and lightly kissing me on the neck..
"I really am sorry that you haven't been sleeping well, I wish there was something.... anything I could do to help you", he said.. I turned and lightly pecked him on the cheek.
"I'm sure it will pass, it's just been crazy these last couple of months, once things get settled my insomnia will disappear", I said.
"Well I certainly hope so", he said, lightly tracing his fingertips across the dark circles under my eyes, "I'm ready to get my energetic, feisty Ness back, you've been looking like one of them lately", he said laughing, while forming quotation marks in the air.
I laughed to, mock biting his neck, "I vant to suck your blood...." I said chasing him back to the bedroom..
Later, Jake and I were running through the woods to my parents home when, the most unbelievable bout of fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat down on a cool stone and layed my face in my hands, it took Jake just a few seconds to realize that I wasn't following him anymore, and while I heard him walking back to where I was sitting, I felt like I didn't even have the energy to lift my head to look at him.
Jake knelt down beside me, sympathetically rubbing my hair, "Ness, what's wrong are you not feeling well?".
"No, I'm okay I guess the sleepless nights are starting to catch up to me, that's all. I just got really tired all of a sudden..." I said.
"Do you want to go back and lie down, I'll go let your family know you just needed a little extra rest this morning..", he said.
"No, really I'll be fine", I said standing up I swayed and he caught me by the elbow, balance had never been an issue with me before, of course I had never had a problem sleeping before either, I guess it was affecting me more than I had realized....I felt like my whole equilibrium was off..
Jake slipped off his shorts and transformed into a wolf, carrying me back to my parents house, I could hear my Father playing the piano, a few hundred yards back, and as we approached I knew he heard my thoughts because he switched to my lullaby... My Mother was standing at the back glass watching us approach, and I guess I must have looked about as good as I felt, because one minute I looked up and she was standing at the back glass, the next I could feel her cold hand on my forehead...
"Renesmee, what's the matter, are you sick?" ,she said.
"No, Mom I'm fine I just haven't been sleeping well, you know bad dreams..." ,she looked at me sympathetically, and I knew she understood, although she hadn't slept in about 10 years, the nightmares that plagued her in her formal life were still a pronounced memory..
Carlisle met us at the back door with a worried look on his face, and all I could think was,
"What now?"
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Nahuel's Visit...Jake's Breaking Point Pt2
My Family was all scattered about, busying themselves, being overly enthusiastic in their attempt to give us some privacy, trying to give Nahuel and I time to get to know one another and talk.
My Mother and Father were out back watching the river and forest and "talking", my Father was probably narrating the entire conversation we were having, what we were saying and what we weren't saying, I thought rolling my eyes.
As I glanced at my Father through the back glass he slightly nodded his head, moments later he and my Mother walked out of sight.
Most of my family were out hunting, Carlisle was in his study and Esme was cooking a steak in the kitchen for Jake, who had planted himself on the couch in front of the television, refusing to leave...
"So are there any questions you would like to ask me?" Nahuel said smiling.
"Well, I don't have a formal interview prepared," I said smiling, when actually I had thought about alot of questions, and if he knew me at all he'd know that I wasn't being honest, I was a terrible liar, but something about the way he was looking at me seemed to make me nervous, and I rarely ever got nervous, so maybe Jake had picked up on that, hence the volume being lowered on the television.
I knew that Jake could hear when my heart accelerated, all he had to do was look at me and know I felt uncomfortable, because he did know me..
"Why don't you just tell me a little bit about yourself", I said.
"Okay, I was the result of a passionate, forbidden affair between my Mother and Father, he of which was a vampire, my Mother unlike yours, sadly didn't make it through my delivery..." ,he said lowering his eyes.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Nahuel, I had no idea.." I said sympathetically placing my hand on top of his on the table.
He turned his hand over to hold mine and I slowly pulled my hand back, smiling so as not to hurt his feelings, feigning an itch on my neck, just then I saw Jake shift uneasily in my peripheral vision.
"Well it's okay really, I had siblings who always tried to care for me, guide me, teach me right from wrong, I guess you know how rare that is in our world, so for that I am thankful", he said smiling, "I do wish I had gotten to know my Mother, as I so admire your Mother for being so strong, maybe if she'd had different, more knowledgeable circumstances, who knows.." he said removing his eyes from mine.
"So when did you stop growing and realize you had become an adult?" I asked trying to subtly change the subject.
"I guess probably around the age of 10, it seemed to be the same for my sister's as well, I guess I don't have to explain to you how odd it feels to hit puberty at the age of 7", he said laughing, looking me up and down.
I shifted uncomfortably, and at that Jake slightly coughed under his breath, expressing what I took to mean that this wasn't his idea of an appropriate conversation for us to be having...
"No I totally understand what you mean it's definitely unsettling to say the least, but I have been blessed with a Doctor for a Grandfather and a very unique family, so it's not so bad..." I said smiling.
"Would you like to walk around the grounds, maybe through the forest where this doesn't feel quite so formal?", he asked.
"Sure, that would be nice this does feel a little stoic doesn't it..." I said standing out of my chair relieved to, hopefully end the tension I was feeling, I needed some fresh air and maybe the conversation would feel a little lighter outdoors.
Jake suddenly jumped up and walked around the couch to the back table we were sitting at, placing his hand on the top of my arm slightly pulling me closer to him,
"Ness how about I join you outside, I wouldn't want you wandering away to far from the house, it could be dangerous, you never know what could be in these woods.." he said eyeing Nahuel.
"Oh don't worry dear friend, I'm fully capable of keeping her safe, yards from her home", Nahuel said, placing his hand on Jake's forearm..
I could feel Jake start to tremble, see the careful mask come across his face that he only applied when trying to keep his cool, to keep from transforming.
When he had himself under control he said, "Well, we'll let Nessie be the judge of her own safety",so he did hear that I was uncomfortable, uncomfortable yes but in harm, I didn't think so and besides my Father was protective enough for the both of them, I didn't need Jake thinking he was "in charge" of me as well.
"No, really Jake it's fine... it would be nice to walk around a bit and get some fresh air", I said smiling.
He eyed me with a wary expression, an expression that I didn't quite understand, I had never seen him like this before...Did he know something about Nahuel that I didn't? Surely not, besides if their was any cause for alarm my whole family would be hovering, right?
He hugged me very tightly, I could still feel the tension in his body, see it all over his face, especially in his eyes, I don't know why he was so worried my family was all around the house, I knew without a doubt that my Father would be sporadically listening in, there was no cause for alarm. He gently kissed me on the cheek, and apologized to Esme for having to leave so quickly.
"Okay, Jake I guess I'll see you later then", I said smiling, noting that he still hadn't let go, "Yep", Jake said glaring at Nahuel, I pushed back, and Nahuel held his arm out as I laced mine through his we walked out the front door.
We spent most of the afternoon talking just getting to know one another, it did feel better to be outside, I always preferred to be outdoors anyway, he talked alot about his childhood, and I felt truly blessed to be a part of my family.
He had faced so many hardships in his life, and I felt so sorry that he'd had to deal with so much as a result of something that was totally out of his control, I gathered that he felt responsible for his Mother's death, and noted that that could've all to easily been the result of my birth as well, I couldn't imagine having to look in my Father's eyes everyday if something had happened to my Mother, and I couldn't imagine my life without her either.
Meeting someone who was so like me in so many ways, meeting so much adversity because of that, and still becoming such a positive person he was very special..
I could definitely see us becoming good friends with one another, outside in the lighter atmosphere he was much easier to talk to, maybe it was the absence of Jake's weird mood today lingering over our heads..
I noted that I would have to talk to him later, something was wrong, but I tried to push that to the back of my mind I only had a limited amount of time with our visitor, so I wanted to gain as much insight as possible...
We walked through two large, ancient trees, they were my favorite trees actually because they outlined the meadow that my Mother, Father and I liked to go to, especially in the spring when it was full of wild flowers, it was a beautiful place and I loved to see the happiness light my Mother's eyes when we came here, I had always found it spectacularly, amazing to watch the sun glisten off of my parents skin on a warm, sunny spring day.. We had often brought a book of poetry and a blanket to this very meadow, spending all afternoon together..
Nahuel reached down and took my hand, I didn't mind really, I felt like we were friends, especially after everything we had shared today, I smiled at him and he smiled back. I did however note somewhere in the back of my mind that the electric current that I felt when Jake held my hand wasn't there with Nahuel it was different...
"Renesmee, I know you probably don't remember the last time I visited here to Forks, you were so young", he said smiling, "But, I've thought about you ever since that fateful day..." he said looking into my eyes.
I turned away from his glance, "Oh, I do remember, that was a very scary time, and I remember you being there to stand with my family it meant alot to all of us, and on behalf of them I would like to thank you.." I said smiling returning to his gaze.. he looked slightly confused.
"Well, I'm certainly glad of the outcome, but I knew that one day we would meet again under happier circumstances, I felt a connection with you that day, I mean to the best of my knowledge, you and I are the only man and young lady of our kind that aren't related.." he said implying with his eyes that this statement should have more significance than I felt it held..
"Nahuel, I'm very glad we got to know one another today, and I think you and I will be the best of friends, I will forever be indebted to you for what you risked for my family", I said smiling, "But, that's all that I'm ready for right now."
He looked like he was slightly upset.. confused, I didn't quite know what significance he felt would come from this visit, I stood up letting go of his hand, "We really should probably be getting back, the rest of my family will be back soon, and I'm sure they would all like to get there chance to visit with you as well." I said smiling.
I turned away from him as he grabbed my wrist, I thought I heard a sound through the trees behind me, "Renesmee, I came here today to let you know that I have true feelings for you, we are perfect for each other, there are no two people better suited, I know that with time you would feel the same for me, trust me I've put alot of thought into this".
"Nahuel I barely know you, and simply because we are two of a kind doesn't mean your entitled to be the love of my life, I have my own brain, my own soul, I know what my heart wants, and my heart wants to be your friend.....nothing more." I had been trying to subtly break his hold on my wrist, but he didn't seem to be getting the hint, I pulled a little harder..
He stepped in closer, and leaned his face closer to mine slightly closing his eyes, I had seen enough movies to know what this was a preamble to and I could picture what my face must look like right now, this was absurd, and in no way was I giving my first kiss away to someone I had just gotten to know that day...
Just then I felt the wind rush by and an ear splitting, spine tingling growl rippled through the air...
Jake landed right beside where we were standing with a loud thud, everyone of his teeth baring, just as I felt my Father's cold, hard arms around my waist the wind rushing by as he pulled me away from where Jake and Nahuel stood.
I felt the wind rush by as Emmett and Jasper, sped by... putting themselves between Jake and Nahuel. I looked up and seen my family positioned all around the meadow. I tried to break free of my Father's grip, obviously with no luck. I couldn't let this happen, Nahuel was obviously totally misguided in his attempts to create a romance between us, but he was someone I would call a friend and I couldn't let anything happen between him and Jake, Jake was not this irrational person, and if anything happened between them he would be shattered, "No!!" I screamed. Suddenly Jake turned to me, a look of shock evident on his face, even in this form. "Jake what are you doing, I can handle myself, everything was under control!"
Everything stopped, Nahuel stumbled a step backward, Jasper and Emmett relaxed the tiniest bit, and Jake retreated through the woods.
He returned a few minutes later in his human form, a look of shame and a mask of pain across his face, everyone slowly retreated, my parents, especially my Father making sure Jake had his emotions in check, left last taking Nahuel with them.
"Jake, why did you do that, I knew what was coming but...but, I can take care of myself, nothing was going to happen." I said, "And what does it matter to you anyway Jake, we're just friends, just like Nahuel and I are just friends, you can't jump in and do something like that, I'm not a child, it's not bad enough that I have my Father listening to my thoughts and the thoughts of everyone around me, but you have to barge in on an innocent conversation with a family friend like a... like a well, like an animal!!"
I was pacing all around the meadow, fuming with rage, I could take care of myself!! Why did everyone around me insist on treating me like a child, I don't even think I was mad at Jake, I was just upset at feeling like a caged animal, like everyone around me was watching my life play out with bated breaths, like a movie on a big screen somewhere, and then it hit me, up until today everyone had the expression on their face, that they were waiting for something, knowing it was going to happen, with Jake's declaration came the realization,this was a movie that everyone already knew the ending too... How could I not have seen it myself, just then I looked up at Jake...Jake, everyone did know the ending to my life, everyone knew why Jake and I were the way we were, everyone knew what significance our relationship held, I was the only one who hadn't seen it. I had hoped in the back of my mind, wished, wished that he thought of me that way, and not like an annoying little sister, I met Jake's eyes, and he dropped them to the ground kicking his foot through the dirt..
I slowly walked to him closing the gap, he was still looking down, I wondered if he even realized the connection that our hearts had just made.... I hoped...
I put my hand under his chin, lifting his face so his eyes met mine, "Jake, it could never be Nahuel, it could never be anyone, it could only be you...
It was at this moment that I felt our hearts join and I knew, I knew what everyone had always known Jake and I would be together, I wasn't the annoying little sister, although I loved him all the more for being that when I needed it, for being a friend when I needed it... and he always would be, first my friend and now my husband...
I looked up into the eyes of my Husband, and softly kissed him lightly on the lips wrapping my arms around his neck, as I leaned back he said with a choked voice, "And, the last quote, I added on our Wedding Day...
"Life's not the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away..."
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
My Mother and Father were out back watching the river and forest and "talking", my Father was probably narrating the entire conversation we were having, what we were saying and what we weren't saying, I thought rolling my eyes.
As I glanced at my Father through the back glass he slightly nodded his head, moments later he and my Mother walked out of sight.
Most of my family were out hunting, Carlisle was in his study and Esme was cooking a steak in the kitchen for Jake, who had planted himself on the couch in front of the television, refusing to leave...
"So are there any questions you would like to ask me?" Nahuel said smiling.
"Well, I don't have a formal interview prepared," I said smiling, when actually I had thought about alot of questions, and if he knew me at all he'd know that I wasn't being honest, I was a terrible liar, but something about the way he was looking at me seemed to make me nervous, and I rarely ever got nervous, so maybe Jake had picked up on that, hence the volume being lowered on the television.
I knew that Jake could hear when my heart accelerated, all he had to do was look at me and know I felt uncomfortable, because he did know me..
"Why don't you just tell me a little bit about yourself", I said.
"Okay, I was the result of a passionate, forbidden affair between my Mother and Father, he of which was a vampire, my Mother unlike yours, sadly didn't make it through my delivery..." ,he said lowering his eyes.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Nahuel, I had no idea.." I said sympathetically placing my hand on top of his on the table.
He turned his hand over to hold mine and I slowly pulled my hand back, smiling so as not to hurt his feelings, feigning an itch on my neck, just then I saw Jake shift uneasily in my peripheral vision.
"Well it's okay really, I had siblings who always tried to care for me, guide me, teach me right from wrong, I guess you know how rare that is in our world, so for that I am thankful", he said smiling, "I do wish I had gotten to know my Mother, as I so admire your Mother for being so strong, maybe if she'd had different, more knowledgeable circumstances, who knows.." he said removing his eyes from mine.
"So when did you stop growing and realize you had become an adult?" I asked trying to subtly change the subject.
"I guess probably around the age of 10, it seemed to be the same for my sister's as well, I guess I don't have to explain to you how odd it feels to hit puberty at the age of 7", he said laughing, looking me up and down.
I shifted uncomfortably, and at that Jake slightly coughed under his breath, expressing what I took to mean that this wasn't his idea of an appropriate conversation for us to be having...
"No I totally understand what you mean it's definitely unsettling to say the least, but I have been blessed with a Doctor for a Grandfather and a very unique family, so it's not so bad..." I said smiling.
"Would you like to walk around the grounds, maybe through the forest where this doesn't feel quite so formal?", he asked.
"Sure, that would be nice this does feel a little stoic doesn't it..." I said standing out of my chair relieved to, hopefully end the tension I was feeling, I needed some fresh air and maybe the conversation would feel a little lighter outdoors.
Jake suddenly jumped up and walked around the couch to the back table we were sitting at, placing his hand on the top of my arm slightly pulling me closer to him,
"Ness how about I join you outside, I wouldn't want you wandering away to far from the house, it could be dangerous, you never know what could be in these woods.." he said eyeing Nahuel.
"Oh don't worry dear friend, I'm fully capable of keeping her safe, yards from her home", Nahuel said, placing his hand on Jake's forearm..
I could feel Jake start to tremble, see the careful mask come across his face that he only applied when trying to keep his cool, to keep from transforming.
When he had himself under control he said, "Well, we'll let Nessie be the judge of her own safety",so he did hear that I was uncomfortable, uncomfortable yes but in harm, I didn't think so and besides my Father was protective enough for the both of them, I didn't need Jake thinking he was "in charge" of me as well.
"No, really Jake it's fine... it would be nice to walk around a bit and get some fresh air", I said smiling.
He eyed me with a wary expression, an expression that I didn't quite understand, I had never seen him like this before...Did he know something about Nahuel that I didn't? Surely not, besides if their was any cause for alarm my whole family would be hovering, right?
He hugged me very tightly, I could still feel the tension in his body, see it all over his face, especially in his eyes, I don't know why he was so worried my family was all around the house, I knew without a doubt that my Father would be sporadically listening in, there was no cause for alarm. He gently kissed me on the cheek, and apologized to Esme for having to leave so quickly.
"Okay, Jake I guess I'll see you later then", I said smiling, noting that he still hadn't let go, "Yep", Jake said glaring at Nahuel, I pushed back, and Nahuel held his arm out as I laced mine through his we walked out the front door.
We spent most of the afternoon talking just getting to know one another, it did feel better to be outside, I always preferred to be outdoors anyway, he talked alot about his childhood, and I felt truly blessed to be a part of my family.
He had faced so many hardships in his life, and I felt so sorry that he'd had to deal with so much as a result of something that was totally out of his control, I gathered that he felt responsible for his Mother's death, and noted that that could've all to easily been the result of my birth as well, I couldn't imagine having to look in my Father's eyes everyday if something had happened to my Mother, and I couldn't imagine my life without her either.
Meeting someone who was so like me in so many ways, meeting so much adversity because of that, and still becoming such a positive person he was very special..
I could definitely see us becoming good friends with one another, outside in the lighter atmosphere he was much easier to talk to, maybe it was the absence of Jake's weird mood today lingering over our heads..
I noted that I would have to talk to him later, something was wrong, but I tried to push that to the back of my mind I only had a limited amount of time with our visitor, so I wanted to gain as much insight as possible...
We walked through two large, ancient trees, they were my favorite trees actually because they outlined the meadow that my Mother, Father and I liked to go to, especially in the spring when it was full of wild flowers, it was a beautiful place and I loved to see the happiness light my Mother's eyes when we came here, I had always found it spectacularly, amazing to watch the sun glisten off of my parents skin on a warm, sunny spring day.. We had often brought a book of poetry and a blanket to this very meadow, spending all afternoon together..
Nahuel reached down and took my hand, I didn't mind really, I felt like we were friends, especially after everything we had shared today, I smiled at him and he smiled back. I did however note somewhere in the back of my mind that the electric current that I felt when Jake held my hand wasn't there with Nahuel it was different...
"Renesmee, I know you probably don't remember the last time I visited here to Forks, you were so young", he said smiling, "But, I've thought about you ever since that fateful day..." he said looking into my eyes.
I turned away from his glance, "Oh, I do remember, that was a very scary time, and I remember you being there to stand with my family it meant alot to all of us, and on behalf of them I would like to thank you.." I said smiling returning to his gaze.. he looked slightly confused.
"Well, I'm certainly glad of the outcome, but I knew that one day we would meet again under happier circumstances, I felt a connection with you that day, I mean to the best of my knowledge, you and I are the only man and young lady of our kind that aren't related.." he said implying with his eyes that this statement should have more significance than I felt it held..
"Nahuel, I'm very glad we got to know one another today, and I think you and I will be the best of friends, I will forever be indebted to you for what you risked for my family", I said smiling, "But, that's all that I'm ready for right now."
He looked like he was slightly upset.. confused, I didn't quite know what significance he felt would come from this visit, I stood up letting go of his hand, "We really should probably be getting back, the rest of my family will be back soon, and I'm sure they would all like to get there chance to visit with you as well." I said smiling.
I turned away from him as he grabbed my wrist, I thought I heard a sound through the trees behind me, "Renesmee, I came here today to let you know that I have true feelings for you, we are perfect for each other, there are no two people better suited, I know that with time you would feel the same for me, trust me I've put alot of thought into this".
"Nahuel I barely know you, and simply because we are two of a kind doesn't mean your entitled to be the love of my life, I have my own brain, my own soul, I know what my heart wants, and my heart wants to be your friend.....nothing more." I had been trying to subtly break his hold on my wrist, but he didn't seem to be getting the hint, I pulled a little harder..
He stepped in closer, and leaned his face closer to mine slightly closing his eyes, I had seen enough movies to know what this was a preamble to and I could picture what my face must look like right now, this was absurd, and in no way was I giving my first kiss away to someone I had just gotten to know that day...
Just then I felt the wind rush by and an ear splitting, spine tingling growl rippled through the air...
Jake landed right beside where we were standing with a loud thud, everyone of his teeth baring, just as I felt my Father's cold, hard arms around my waist the wind rushing by as he pulled me away from where Jake and Nahuel stood.
I felt the wind rush by as Emmett and Jasper, sped by... putting themselves between Jake and Nahuel. I looked up and seen my family positioned all around the meadow. I tried to break free of my Father's grip, obviously with no luck. I couldn't let this happen, Nahuel was obviously totally misguided in his attempts to create a romance between us, but he was someone I would call a friend and I couldn't let anything happen between him and Jake, Jake was not this irrational person, and if anything happened between them he would be shattered, "No!!" I screamed. Suddenly Jake turned to me, a look of shock evident on his face, even in this form. "Jake what are you doing, I can handle myself, everything was under control!"
Everything stopped, Nahuel stumbled a step backward, Jasper and Emmett relaxed the tiniest bit, and Jake retreated through the woods.
He returned a few minutes later in his human form, a look of shame and a mask of pain across his face, everyone slowly retreated, my parents, especially my Father making sure Jake had his emotions in check, left last taking Nahuel with them.
"Jake, why did you do that, I knew what was coming but...but, I can take care of myself, nothing was going to happen." I said, "And what does it matter to you anyway Jake, we're just friends, just like Nahuel and I are just friends, you can't jump in and do something like that, I'm not a child, it's not bad enough that I have my Father listening to my thoughts and the thoughts of everyone around me, but you have to barge in on an innocent conversation with a family friend like a... like a well, like an animal!!"
I was pacing all around the meadow, fuming with rage, I could take care of myself!! Why did everyone around me insist on treating me like a child, I don't even think I was mad at Jake, I was just upset at feeling like a caged animal, like everyone around me was watching my life play out with bated breaths, like a movie on a big screen somewhere, and then it hit me, up until today everyone had the expression on their face, that they were waiting for something, knowing it was going to happen, with Jake's declaration came the realization,this was a movie that everyone already knew the ending too... How could I not have seen it myself, just then I looked up at Jake...Jake, everyone did know the ending to my life, everyone knew why Jake and I were the way we were, everyone knew what significance our relationship held, I was the only one who hadn't seen it. I had hoped in the back of my mind, wished, wished that he thought of me that way, and not like an annoying little sister, I met Jake's eyes, and he dropped them to the ground kicking his foot through the dirt..
I slowly walked to him closing the gap, he was still looking down, I wondered if he even realized the connection that our hearts had just made.... I hoped...
I put my hand under his chin, lifting his face so his eyes met mine, "Jake, it could never be Nahuel, it could never be anyone, it could only be you...
It was at this moment that I felt our hearts join and I knew, I knew what everyone had always known Jake and I would be together, I wasn't the annoying little sister, although I loved him all the more for being that when I needed it, for being a friend when I needed it... and he always would be, first my friend and now my husband...
I looked up into the eyes of my Husband, and softly kissed him lightly on the lips wrapping my arms around his neck, as I leaned back he said with a choked voice, "And, the last quote, I added on our Wedding Day...
"Life's not the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away..."
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Nahuel's Visit...Jake's Breaking Point
Jake and I had been becoming increasingly closer each day, he truly was my best friend.. We'd spend every afternoon together walking around the forest, talking... he'd even held my hand a few times , an electric charge with every touch... I felt like I could share my deepest thoughts with him, thoughts that I was very careful to try to control around my Father..
My Father cared alot about Jake and I knew that he respected our relationship, he just didn't like that I was so close with any boy at my age, it would only be a matter of time before I was finished maturing and he and my Mother wanted for me to attend college and have a chance at a normal life, whatever that meant...
He felt like Jake and I had our whole lives to spend with one another, so I should spend my youth being a normal teenager and young lady...
Since I matured and grew at a rate that was significantly noticeable, attending public school was never an option, but that didn't stop my parents from making sure that I learned and had plenty of activities to pass the time...
I was fluent in several languages, even Quileute, thanks to Jake, I had read or been read to, every book in the house, and at the ripe age of 8 could've easily entered any college in the United States, possibly the world...
Still, try as I might he had seen some of the passing glimpses, daydreams, moments when I'd let my mind wonder, wonder what it would be like to be with Jake...
But, I couldn't help it, I felt like I had this overwhelming uncontrollable pull towards Jake, possibly an unrequited affection, which made it all the more worse, I couldn't explain it, it was like he knew what I was thinking and what I was feeling and he always knew the right thing to say or do..
But, I knew that he had watched me grow from the day I was born, he was my protector, almost like an older Brother, and I was sure that...that was the way he saw it too..
Still, I couldn't help but drift off, and wonder..
Sometimes as we were walking through the forest, and he was talking about his pack, Sam and Emily or Rachel and Paul.. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if Jake and I were together like that..
I felt like it would be effortless, natural...
But on this particular day we would have to cut our afternoon stroll short, because we were having visitors...
My Mother and Father spoke to me the night before of a man named Nahuel, I vaguely remembered him, I knew he was there the day the Volturi tried to break our family apart, possibly destroy us, the day that my sheer existence put all of our lives in jeopardy..
I knew that he was like me, and I knew how rare that was, unique to say the least...
I also knew what our family owed him, and that was quite possibly everything...
I would be eternally grateful that Alice and Jasper went to find him, and that he had layed his life on the line to help my family, with nothing to gain from it...
It was very noble, admirable so I was excited to talk to him and thank him for what he had done..I was also looking forward to getting any insight into my existence, a kindred spirit of sorts...
As Jake and I approached the house, we could hear voices inside, unfamiliar voices, so I knew that our company had arrived..
And, although he wasn't before Jake took my hand as we reached the front stairs of my family's home, placing one hand on the bottom of my back guiding me inside, I could feel him trembling...
As we entered the house Carlisle turned from greeting our guests, "Ahh, and there she is now, Nes--", my Mother gave him the look, "Renesmee, this is our visitor, Nahuel, this is Renesmee."
"Pleased to meet you", I said extending my hand, and realizing how awkward it looked that Jake was still holding my other hand, to close for normal..
As we shook hands I noted how odd it felt to feel someone running the same temperature as myself, obviously my family was colder and Jake was a little warmer, but the average human ran a few degrees cooler than me, and Nahuel and I were exactly the same it was...different...
"And, pleased to meet you as well Renesmee, I've heard alot about you from your family, I've been looking forward to this visit for quite some time.."
I saw everyone shift uneasily as he positioned himself awkwardly between me and Jake, and I still didn't understand the hostility..
I had never seen Jake like this before, we had had several visitors since my birth.
Close to all of the people that stood with us to face the Volturi on that awful day had visited at one time or another, my Father always told me I was irresistible and joked that I had inherited his charm...
But, I felt that it was more than that, I thought standing to face our possible doom, had joined our souls for the rest of our lives, to that thought he rolled his eyes, I knew how he felt about this matter, and I agreed with my Mother...
Still, Jake had never reacted this way to anyone, we'd had countless visitors, and excluding the Denali Clan, none of which held my families standards concerning their "vegan" diet...
Still, while Jake was definitely uncomfortable in the company of blood-thirsty vampires it was nothing like this, he had perfected his careful mask, always able to calm himself down, never letting them "See him Sweat.." as he put it, but today he hadn't stopped trembling since the moment we reached my house.
This should be an interesting visit...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
My Father cared alot about Jake and I knew that he respected our relationship, he just didn't like that I was so close with any boy at my age, it would only be a matter of time before I was finished maturing and he and my Mother wanted for me to attend college and have a chance at a normal life, whatever that meant...
He felt like Jake and I had our whole lives to spend with one another, so I should spend my youth being a normal teenager and young lady...
Since I matured and grew at a rate that was significantly noticeable, attending public school was never an option, but that didn't stop my parents from making sure that I learned and had plenty of activities to pass the time...
I was fluent in several languages, even Quileute, thanks to Jake, I had read or been read to, every book in the house, and at the ripe age of 8 could've easily entered any college in the United States, possibly the world...
Still, try as I might he had seen some of the passing glimpses, daydreams, moments when I'd let my mind wonder, wonder what it would be like to be with Jake...
But, I couldn't help it, I felt like I had this overwhelming uncontrollable pull towards Jake, possibly an unrequited affection, which made it all the more worse, I couldn't explain it, it was like he knew what I was thinking and what I was feeling and he always knew the right thing to say or do..
But, I knew that he had watched me grow from the day I was born, he was my protector, almost like an older Brother, and I was sure that...that was the way he saw it too..
Still, I couldn't help but drift off, and wonder..
Sometimes as we were walking through the forest, and he was talking about his pack, Sam and Emily or Rachel and Paul.. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if Jake and I were together like that..
I felt like it would be effortless, natural...
But on this particular day we would have to cut our afternoon stroll short, because we were having visitors...
My Mother and Father spoke to me the night before of a man named Nahuel, I vaguely remembered him, I knew he was there the day the Volturi tried to break our family apart, possibly destroy us, the day that my sheer existence put all of our lives in jeopardy..
I knew that he was like me, and I knew how rare that was, unique to say the least...
I also knew what our family owed him, and that was quite possibly everything...
I would be eternally grateful that Alice and Jasper went to find him, and that he had layed his life on the line to help my family, with nothing to gain from it...
It was very noble, admirable so I was excited to talk to him and thank him for what he had done..I was also looking forward to getting any insight into my existence, a kindred spirit of sorts...
As Jake and I approached the house, we could hear voices inside, unfamiliar voices, so I knew that our company had arrived..
And, although he wasn't before Jake took my hand as we reached the front stairs of my family's home, placing one hand on the bottom of my back guiding me inside, I could feel him trembling...
As we entered the house Carlisle turned from greeting our guests, "Ahh, and there she is now, Nes--", my Mother gave him the look, "Renesmee, this is our visitor, Nahuel, this is Renesmee."
"Pleased to meet you", I said extending my hand, and realizing how awkward it looked that Jake was still holding my other hand, to close for normal..
As we shook hands I noted how odd it felt to feel someone running the same temperature as myself, obviously my family was colder and Jake was a little warmer, but the average human ran a few degrees cooler than me, and Nahuel and I were exactly the same it was...different...
"And, pleased to meet you as well Renesmee, I've heard alot about you from your family, I've been looking forward to this visit for quite some time.."
I saw everyone shift uneasily as he positioned himself awkwardly between me and Jake, and I still didn't understand the hostility..
I had never seen Jake like this before, we had had several visitors since my birth.
Close to all of the people that stood with us to face the Volturi on that awful day had visited at one time or another, my Father always told me I was irresistible and joked that I had inherited his charm...
But, I felt that it was more than that, I thought standing to face our possible doom, had joined our souls for the rest of our lives, to that thought he rolled his eyes, I knew how he felt about this matter, and I agreed with my Mother...
Still, Jake had never reacted this way to anyone, we'd had countless visitors, and excluding the Denali Clan, none of which held my families standards concerning their "vegan" diet...
Still, while Jake was definitely uncomfortable in the company of blood-thirsty vampires it was nothing like this, he had perfected his careful mask, always able to calm himself down, never letting them "See him Sweat.." as he put it, but today he hadn't stopped trembling since the moment we reached my house.
This should be an interesting visit...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
SexyBack-Taylor Lautner/Jacob Black
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Gifts...
I awoke to Jake tucking a loose curl behind my ear, and I smiled... "Did you sleep good?", he asked.
"Yes", I lied.. and I don't know why I even bothered not telling the truth, because I had definitely inherited my Mother's conscience, in the words of George Washington, "I cannot tell a lie".... well I can, but it's absurdly detectable..
Automatically a frown line creased between his eyes, and he raised his eyebrows, "Really, Ness you know you can't pull that over on me."
I rolled my eyes, I really had slept well considering the nightmares that filled my mind, last night was amazing, beautiful, I drifted off to sleep in Jacob's arms after hours of talking and making love, and then I was plagued with visions... visions of my Mother's face, mangled, sweaty, covered in blood, only the lightest, faint smile on her lips.. I knew this memory, knew it well, it was however, the first memory of my Mother, moments after my birth...
I showed Jake this and he sat quietly watching the nights dreams replay in his head, he rolled over placing his hand on my shoulder, rubbing sympathetically.
"Maybe, you are just feeling subconsciously guilty," he said, "But Ness it wasn't your fault, everybody's okay now, and I thank God everyday that your Mother was strong enough to bring such a beautiful person into my life," he said smiling.
"I know your right Jake, and this is our last day here, so I want to have a good time, I'm just going to try to forget about it," surprisingly he didn't call me out this time, because these thoughts would surely plague me all day.
But, all of a sudden a happy thought popped into my mind..
"Jake", I said rolling over kissing his neck, and whispering into his ear,"Soo, today is our last day here, right?"
"Yes", he said, a laugh playing in his voice..
"And we were going to exchange our presents today, right?" I said nibbling at his ear, I could feel the air let out of his lungs, I leaned up on my arm to look at his face, "What Jake, what is it?"
"Well, Ness I don't want you to be mad but I kinda forgot mine at home, what with the wedding and everything, I guess it totally slipped my mind.." he said.
"Oh", I said my face slipping into a subtle pout, I had been looking so forward to not only seeing what Jake had made for me, but giving him his gift as well...
Jake, put one finger under my chin and lifted up my face, I could see a muffled smile on his face, "Just kidding", he said, gently laughing.
"Ah, Jake you..." I said laughing and playfully wrestling with him, he hopped up out of the bed and playfully tossed me over his shoulder running towards the front room, his carry on bag was by the door, so he sat me down and picked up the bag unzipping it, "Wait", I said"I want to exchange them at the same time".
"Okay", he said laughing.
I ran to grab the photo album I had made for him.
We met halfway between the front room and the bedroom, "Okay one, two, three.."
We each produced a book from behind our backs, and both busted out laughing...
"You first", I said.
He took my hand and we sat together in the big, brown, suede chair by the fireplace.
Jake slowly opened his book, "It's a photo album, I had Alice sneak around a little bit and take pictures of us, there's even some from when I was really little, you know she's taken all kinds of photography classes, so I thought it would be the perfect gift", I said.
"Oh, Ness I love it, it is perfect", he said smiling.
He gently kissed my lips, tucking the stray curl behind my ear.
"So you really like it?" I said, raising my eyebrows..
"Of course I do, not that I'd ever want to spend any time away from you," he said " but this would be the perfect companion on a trip..."
I smiled, and kissed his cheek, "Now, is it my turn?", I said, I was bouncing with excitement, growing up with my Father I had become accustomed to gifts, I loved giving and receiving them especially from Jake..
"Go ahead", he said a frown line between his eyebrows, I was confused..
I opened the leather book and on the first page was,
"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..."
He watched my face intently, measuring every expression, I looked up at him, confusion in my eyes..
"I started this book of quotes and thoughts, when Nahuel came to visit, three years ago", he said, growling under his breath.
He lowered his eyes and I knew how much he hated to think about that time...
"It was just a way for me to get my feelings, and thoughts out without going crazy, you know?", he said "It was a confusing time, but this is the most intimate journal I've ever written, and now that your my wife", he said a smile spreading across his face," I wanted to share it with you, it's filled with happy thoughts, and memories, but it starts at one of the darkest times of my life."
I knew all to well how Jake felt about this period in our lives, but it was necessary to get us to where we are today, I knew that now, of course at the time it wasn't ideal for anyone involved, I couldn't help but think back to that time, even though I wish I could have forgotten it everyday...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
"Yes", I lied.. and I don't know why I even bothered not telling the truth, because I had definitely inherited my Mother's conscience, in the words of George Washington, "I cannot tell a lie".... well I can, but it's absurdly detectable..
Automatically a frown line creased between his eyes, and he raised his eyebrows, "Really, Ness you know you can't pull that over on me."
I rolled my eyes, I really had slept well considering the nightmares that filled my mind, last night was amazing, beautiful, I drifted off to sleep in Jacob's arms after hours of talking and making love, and then I was plagued with visions... visions of my Mother's face, mangled, sweaty, covered in blood, only the lightest, faint smile on her lips.. I knew this memory, knew it well, it was however, the first memory of my Mother, moments after my birth...
I showed Jake this and he sat quietly watching the nights dreams replay in his head, he rolled over placing his hand on my shoulder, rubbing sympathetically.
"Maybe, you are just feeling subconsciously guilty," he said, "But Ness it wasn't your fault, everybody's okay now, and I thank God everyday that your Mother was strong enough to bring such a beautiful person into my life," he said smiling.
"I know your right Jake, and this is our last day here, so I want to have a good time, I'm just going to try to forget about it," surprisingly he didn't call me out this time, because these thoughts would surely plague me all day.
But, all of a sudden a happy thought popped into my mind..
"Jake", I said rolling over kissing his neck, and whispering into his ear,"Soo, today is our last day here, right?"
"Yes", he said, a laugh playing in his voice..
"And we were going to exchange our presents today, right?" I said nibbling at his ear, I could feel the air let out of his lungs, I leaned up on my arm to look at his face, "What Jake, what is it?"
"Well, Ness I don't want you to be mad but I kinda forgot mine at home, what with the wedding and everything, I guess it totally slipped my mind.." he said.
"Oh", I said my face slipping into a subtle pout, I had been looking so forward to not only seeing what Jake had made for me, but giving him his gift as well...
Jake, put one finger under my chin and lifted up my face, I could see a muffled smile on his face, "Just kidding", he said, gently laughing.
"Ah, Jake you..." I said laughing and playfully wrestling with him, he hopped up out of the bed and playfully tossed me over his shoulder running towards the front room, his carry on bag was by the door, so he sat me down and picked up the bag unzipping it, "Wait", I said"I want to exchange them at the same time".
"Okay", he said laughing.
I ran to grab the photo album I had made for him.
We met halfway between the front room and the bedroom, "Okay one, two, three.."
We each produced a book from behind our backs, and both busted out laughing...
"You first", I said.
He took my hand and we sat together in the big, brown, suede chair by the fireplace.
Jake slowly opened his book, "It's a photo album, I had Alice sneak around a little bit and take pictures of us, there's even some from when I was really little, you know she's taken all kinds of photography classes, so I thought it would be the perfect gift", I said.
"Oh, Ness I love it, it is perfect", he said smiling.
He gently kissed my lips, tucking the stray curl behind my ear.
"So you really like it?" I said, raising my eyebrows..
"Of course I do, not that I'd ever want to spend any time away from you," he said " but this would be the perfect companion on a trip..."
I smiled, and kissed his cheek, "Now, is it my turn?", I said, I was bouncing with excitement, growing up with my Father I had become accustomed to gifts, I loved giving and receiving them especially from Jake..
"Go ahead", he said a frown line between his eyebrows, I was confused..
I opened the leather book and on the first page was,
"If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with..."
He watched my face intently, measuring every expression, I looked up at him, confusion in my eyes..
"I started this book of quotes and thoughts, when Nahuel came to visit, three years ago", he said, growling under his breath.
He lowered his eyes and I knew how much he hated to think about that time...
"It was just a way for me to get my feelings, and thoughts out without going crazy, you know?", he said "It was a confusing time, but this is the most intimate journal I've ever written, and now that your my wife", he said a smile spreading across his face," I wanted to share it with you, it's filled with happy thoughts, and memories, but it starts at one of the darkest times of my life."
I knew all to well how Jake felt about this period in our lives, but it was necessary to get us to where we are today, I knew that now, of course at the time it wasn't ideal for anyone involved, I couldn't help but think back to that time, even though I wish I could have forgotten it everyday...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Monday, August 30, 2010
Just Newlyweds, vampire-hybrid/werewolf newlyweds :)
Well, believe it or not we actually did make it out around Alaska...a little bit.
By the third day I had to hunt, and my father had suggested the penguins, I must say they weren't bad, quite a bit different though. And, although I had seen Jake hunting all my life, especially in the beginning when I would have preferred not to hunt at all, it was presented as a challenge between us, a competition, now that I had seen him in his most passionate, vulnerable state.. I couldn't deny the sensuality that the two activities shared...
He was undeniably beautiful as a wolf, I had always thought so, the way his muscles in his back flexed when he caught the scent of something, the wind rippling through his russet fur, the way he would slink down, totally invisible, not moving at all, his eyes perfectly intent on his prey, and then with a slight flick of his tail he pounced...
It really was beautiful, in its own way...
And, thankfully I had taken after my Father as far as hunting instincts go, he always told me to be as humane as possible, to never cause unnecessary pain, and other than the light flush in my cheeks, there was no other indication that I had been hunting..
After we had each drained a couple of penguins, and I was feeling quite sloshy to be honest, only a slight muted burn in my throat, I stood out of my crouch and Jake was beside me, still in his wolf form I ran my hands through the fur around his neck and he let out a low growl, he knelt his head down and playfully bumped me with it, I giggled and he let out the wolf equivalent to a throaty chuckle, his tongue dropping from the side of his mouth, I busted out laughing...
He motioned tilting his head with a slight roll of his eyes for me to jump on his back, the motion was so common, we'd perfected it throughout my life, I had already hopped on grabbing his fur and we were taking off across the snowy plains...
Unlike Forks, where we had hunted most of my life, with the exception of my family moving for my Mother to attend college in New Hampshire, we didn't quite know what to expect here. We had to be very careful about where we hunted, it wasn't everyday that you could walk up and see a young woman and a wolf walking side by side through a strip of deserted snow.
So on the way back to the cabin we were extra cautious to stay out of any humans eyesight traveling, staying only in deep wooded areas.
It was exhilarating riding on Jake's back, and he ran as though he wasn't carrying anything, I loved running with him, it made him so happy and I could feel it all around me.
When we made it back to the cabin, we went in through the back entrance, I walked onto the back deck and was surprised to feel Jake's arms around me right away, especially since he was without clothing when he transformed back to his human form...
We started kissing, and laughing as I slowly started walking backwards into the house, and he lifted me onto the bed...
It was the perfect end to the perfect day...As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
By the third day I had to hunt, and my father had suggested the penguins, I must say they weren't bad, quite a bit different though. And, although I had seen Jake hunting all my life, especially in the beginning when I would have preferred not to hunt at all, it was presented as a challenge between us, a competition, now that I had seen him in his most passionate, vulnerable state.. I couldn't deny the sensuality that the two activities shared...
He was undeniably beautiful as a wolf, I had always thought so, the way his muscles in his back flexed when he caught the scent of something, the wind rippling through his russet fur, the way he would slink down, totally invisible, not moving at all, his eyes perfectly intent on his prey, and then with a slight flick of his tail he pounced...
It really was beautiful, in its own way...
And, thankfully I had taken after my Father as far as hunting instincts go, he always told me to be as humane as possible, to never cause unnecessary pain, and other than the light flush in my cheeks, there was no other indication that I had been hunting..
After we had each drained a couple of penguins, and I was feeling quite sloshy to be honest, only a slight muted burn in my throat, I stood out of my crouch and Jake was beside me, still in his wolf form I ran my hands through the fur around his neck and he let out a low growl, he knelt his head down and playfully bumped me with it, I giggled and he let out the wolf equivalent to a throaty chuckle, his tongue dropping from the side of his mouth, I busted out laughing...
He motioned tilting his head with a slight roll of his eyes for me to jump on his back, the motion was so common, we'd perfected it throughout my life, I had already hopped on grabbing his fur and we were taking off across the snowy plains...
Unlike Forks, where we had hunted most of my life, with the exception of my family moving for my Mother to attend college in New Hampshire, we didn't quite know what to expect here. We had to be very careful about where we hunted, it wasn't everyday that you could walk up and see a young woman and a wolf walking side by side through a strip of deserted snow.
So on the way back to the cabin we were extra cautious to stay out of any humans eyesight traveling, staying only in deep wooded areas.
It was exhilarating riding on Jake's back, and he ran as though he wasn't carrying anything, I loved running with him, it made him so happy and I could feel it all around me.
When we made it back to the cabin, we went in through the back entrance, I walked onto the back deck and was surprised to feel Jake's arms around me right away, especially since he was without clothing when he transformed back to his human form...
We started kissing, and laughing as I slowly started walking backwards into the house, and he lifted me onto the bed...
It was the perfect end to the perfect day...As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Hello Robert Pattinson ;0)
Obviously if you couldn't tell I'm totally Team Jacob, but even I couldn't deny the beauty of this pic:) this is for all the Team Edward fans:)
hello Edward:)
hello Edward:)So Fitting:)
It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it’s not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother.
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 8, p.176
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 8, p.176
Alaska... the honeymoon begins...
Nestled at the foot of a mountain, all by itself was the most quaint little cabin i'd ever seen.. The sky was a perfect backdrop, the sun about to set it was hazy full of pink, blue, and yellow, snow clouds drifting overhead.. It was beautiful, comparable to something you would only see in a painting.. Jake got out of the car and got both of our bags out of the back, opened my door, and with one arm carrying me ,the other arm the bags, you would have thought he was carrying in groceries... As we walked up, I leaned down and unlocked the door, and we walked into our home for the next 5 days... 
Jake slowly lowered my feet to the floor and dropped our suitcases by the door, then he put each of his big warm hands on the sides of my face and gently kissed me, he slightly leaned away.."I love you, Renesmee"..."And, I love you Jake, I can't believe were married!!" I shrieked. "I know" he said laughing, "so what do we do first?" he said raising his eyebrow and smiling...
With each word that we spoke we could see our breath floating through the air and I don't know if it was the temperature or these last words but I shook with a chill..
"First things, first", Jake said, "Let's get a fire started."
While Jake was starting the fire, I carried my bag to the bedroom, The bed was huge! A black wrought iron canopy bed with billowy fabric hanging all around it, and the room was beautiful, you could see the sun setting out of the back glass doors, that led to a covered patio area with two rocking chairs, in the corner was a large stone fireplace, and off to the right was a bathroom, complete with an antique clawfoot tub.I walked back into the bedroom faceing away from the door looking at the bed and my heart accelerated just as Jake came in and wrapped his arms around my waist kissing me on the top of my head. I took a deep breath and turned to look at him, his face appeared to be perfectly calm, but just like myself I could hear his heart accelerate. We both knew that after tonight things would forever be different, were we ready?
He leaned down, his hands gently rubbing my back, and softly kissed my lips tracing his lips slowly up and down my jawline from my mouth to my ear, I'm not sure but I think I melted right then, was I still standing?
I moved my hands from his waist to the front of his shirt and slowly ran my hand over his abs, his chest, I wrapped both arms around his neck, just as he lifted me in his arms, the careful mask was gone and we began passionately kissing one another..
My heart sped and I was sure it was going to jump out of my chest, I felt dizzy, but I liked it, it was a good dizzy. He walked to the bed, lying me down as if I was breakable, and slowly took off his shirt..
How long had I anticipated, dreamed about this moment.. and it was finally here I had been so nervous and wondering, wondering if we would be right for each other..if it would come natural...
And, all I can say is yes, it did come natural. Everything about him was absolutely perfect, he was so gentle, so loving, so caring. He always had been, since the day I was born wherever I was and whatever I was doing he was always there with a watchful eye, being exactly what I needed him to be when I needed it...
A friend, a brother, a mentor, always with my best interest at heart, a husband, and now a lover...
He was covered in sweat, but chills ran through his body and mine. He leaned up on his arms, leaning to gently kiss me while I held his face in my hands, slowly running my fingers through his hair, occasionally he would let out a low growl, moan...
It was the most beautiful night of my life, and I knew he felt the same way...
He gently kissed my lips letting his nose trace up mine to kiss my forehead, and whispered "Nayeli, Que Quowle.."
I nodded my head, and I could feel the tears of joy in my eyes, I think my heart had doubled in size...
We fell asleep in each other's arms talking about what we'd like to do the next day, we both had noted the snowmobile under the covered area outside, but as I leaned up on one arm to kiss him, the sheet lightly draped at his waist, I thought we might not leave the cabin for the rest of the trip, I showed him that while he was talking about whale watching, and he said "That would be just fine too..."
Nayeli [Nay-ellii] means I love you...
In Quileute:"Que Quowle" means stay with me forever...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Jake slowly lowered my feet to the floor and dropped our suitcases by the door, then he put each of his big warm hands on the sides of my face and gently kissed me, he slightly leaned away.."I love you, Renesmee"..."And, I love you Jake, I can't believe were married!!" I shrieked. "I know" he said laughing, "so what do we do first?" he said raising his eyebrow and smiling...
With each word that we spoke we could see our breath floating through the air and I don't know if it was the temperature or these last words but I shook with a chill..
"First things, first", Jake said, "Let's get a fire started."
While Jake was starting the fire, I carried my bag to the bedroom, The bed was huge! A black wrought iron canopy bed with billowy fabric hanging all around it, and the room was beautiful, you could see the sun setting out of the back glass doors, that led to a covered patio area with two rocking chairs, in the corner was a large stone fireplace, and off to the right was a bathroom, complete with an antique clawfoot tub.I walked back into the bedroom faceing away from the door looking at the bed and my heart accelerated just as Jake came in and wrapped his arms around my waist kissing me on the top of my head. I took a deep breath and turned to look at him, his face appeared to be perfectly calm, but just like myself I could hear his heart accelerate. We both knew that after tonight things would forever be different, were we ready?
He leaned down, his hands gently rubbing my back, and softly kissed my lips tracing his lips slowly up and down my jawline from my mouth to my ear, I'm not sure but I think I melted right then, was I still standing?
I moved my hands from his waist to the front of his shirt and slowly ran my hand over his abs, his chest, I wrapped both arms around his neck, just as he lifted me in his arms, the careful mask was gone and we began passionately kissing one another..
My heart sped and I was sure it was going to jump out of my chest, I felt dizzy, but I liked it, it was a good dizzy. He walked to the bed, lying me down as if I was breakable, and slowly took off his shirt..
How long had I anticipated, dreamed about this moment.. and it was finally here I had been so nervous and wondering, wondering if we would be right for each other..if it would come natural...
And, all I can say is yes, it did come natural. Everything about him was absolutely perfect, he was so gentle, so loving, so caring. He always had been, since the day I was born wherever I was and whatever I was doing he was always there with a watchful eye, being exactly what I needed him to be when I needed it...
A friend, a brother, a mentor, always with my best interest at heart, a husband, and now a lover...
He was covered in sweat, but chills ran through his body and mine. He leaned up on his arms, leaning to gently kiss me while I held his face in my hands, slowly running my fingers through his hair, occasionally he would let out a low growl, moan...
It was the most beautiful night of my life, and I knew he felt the same way...
He gently kissed my lips letting his nose trace up mine to kiss my forehead, and whispered "Nayeli, Que Quowle.."
I nodded my head, and I could feel the tears of joy in my eyes, I think my heart had doubled in size...
We fell asleep in each other's arms talking about what we'd like to do the next day, we both had noted the snowmobile under the covered area outside, but as I leaned up on one arm to kiss him, the sheet lightly draped at his waist, I thought we might not leave the cabin for the rest of the trip, I showed him that while he was talking about whale watching, and he said "That would be just fine too..."
Nayeli [Nay-ellii] means I love you...
In Quileute:"Que Quowle" means stay with me forever...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Alaska
As we faced the crowd and Old Quil introduced us as Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Black, "God, the best Maker of all Marriages, combine your hearts into one", I looked out at the audience, standing in applause and jubilence.. It was truly beautiful and spectacular what our love had brought together.. Here in La Push which was once considered no man's land where my family was concerned, sat my Father, his arm gently around my Mother's shoulders who looked like she would be crying if she could, beside them my Grandpa Charlie and his wife Sue Clearwater her daughter Leah, who looked like she was clearly there in support of Jake who she cared about more than she'd ever want to let anyone know. My Grandfather Carlisle softly embracing Esme, to my left stood my bridesmaids Alice and Rosalie, looking happier and more at ease than one could've ever imagined in the company here. Looking out to my right sat Billy Black, my father in law, blotting his eyes with a tissue, he was one of the most genuine men I'd ever met and I admired all of the qualities Jake had inherited from him, I was a lucky woman.. Beside Billy were Jake's sisters and their families, Rachel had flown in all the way from Hawaii for the wedding, sitting behind them were the members of Jake's former pack but friends and family still.. Sam and Emily holding their precious daughter Mia Rose a head full of jet black ringlets, they were one of the most beautiful families I'd ever seen, and I aspired to be the amazing woman that I seen in Emily..
All of our family and friends, standing together sharing this moment perfectly at ease and joyous in each others presence.. It was truly Amazing there really is no other word...
Seth Clearwater, Jake's best man slapped him on the shoulder with a raucous "Congratulations!!" and we were off through the sprays of rice... After a beautiful reception Alice met me at the car with a suitcase for each of us, she assured me that we were more than prepared, and we were passed through many hugs and well wishes, finally after hugging Grandpa Charlie, and assuring him that I would return safely, Charlie knew what Jake was, but even he couldn't doubt the affirmation for my safety in Jake's eyes... I hugged my Mother and Father, and we were off to the airport...
It was a long flight to Alaska, but time flew in Jacob's arms, we sat, mostly quiet, looking into each other's eyes, occasionally I would show him visions, visions of what I had spent the last year dreaming about.. I could see the burning in his eyes and I knew that it echoed my own...
When we finally made it to the Juneau Airport, Alice had arranged for us to pickup a Suburban, we would need something sturdy and dependable to reach she and Jasper's cabin.
It would be about an hour's drive from the airport to the cabin, and while I knew we would have, what seemed like forever ahead of us, all of a sudden in the tight closed in space of the Suburban, I felt like I was ignited with an overwhelming passion, a passion that only one thing could extinguish..
Maybe it was the small space that we were in, completely alone, maybe it was my subconscious knowing that the barriers were finally down, as I looked at Jake in the glow of the dashboard I watched him drive, he seemed to be wearing a very careful mask, but he looked soo beautiful, there was no other word, his careful expression seemed to heighten his chiseled jaw, his eyes were set with an intensity, I could make out the flawlessness of his russet skin, the thud of his pulse in his neck, his heart beating, and I yearned for it, not in the vampire way but in a way that felt so new to me.
Jake and I agreed that we would wait until marriage to take our relationship to the next level, we had spent a few years dancing around the issue, being very careful, both of us knowing how easy it would be to lose control...
But now, now there wasn't anything holding us back, nothing but the minutes until we would reach our destination and I thought I might quite literally explode!!
I guess with all the thoughts running through my mind I didn't quite realize that I was still looking at Jacob, he turned to me for a split second with his peripheral vision, and I don't quite know what he seen when his eyes met mine, but the mask that he had so carefully kept on his face since we left the airport, broke....
His heart accelerated and I knew without a doubt that we weren't going to make it to the cabin, I could see his knuckles turn white as he strengthened his grip on the steering wheel, I had watched Jake trying to keep his cool, for various reasons my whole life, and he always did, he was so strong... but I think this was enough to break his resolve... just then we pulled into the drive, leading up to our "Honeymoon Getaway" ahhh, someone let the air back in...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
"God, the best Maker of all marriages combine your hearts into one." William Shakespeare
All of our family and friends, standing together sharing this moment perfectly at ease and joyous in each others presence.. It was truly Amazing there really is no other word...
Seth Clearwater, Jake's best man slapped him on the shoulder with a raucous "Congratulations!!" and we were off through the sprays of rice... After a beautiful reception Alice met me at the car with a suitcase for each of us, she assured me that we were more than prepared, and we were passed through many hugs and well wishes, finally after hugging Grandpa Charlie, and assuring him that I would return safely, Charlie knew what Jake was, but even he couldn't doubt the affirmation for my safety in Jake's eyes... I hugged my Mother and Father, and we were off to the airport...
It was a long flight to Alaska, but time flew in Jacob's arms, we sat, mostly quiet, looking into each other's eyes, occasionally I would show him visions, visions of what I had spent the last year dreaming about.. I could see the burning in his eyes and I knew that it echoed my own...
When we finally made it to the Juneau Airport, Alice had arranged for us to pickup a Suburban, we would need something sturdy and dependable to reach she and Jasper's cabin.
It would be about an hour's drive from the airport to the cabin, and while I knew we would have, what seemed like forever ahead of us, all of a sudden in the tight closed in space of the Suburban, I felt like I was ignited with an overwhelming passion, a passion that only one thing could extinguish..
Maybe it was the small space that we were in, completely alone, maybe it was my subconscious knowing that the barriers were finally down, as I looked at Jake in the glow of the dashboard I watched him drive, he seemed to be wearing a very careful mask, but he looked soo beautiful, there was no other word, his careful expression seemed to heighten his chiseled jaw, his eyes were set with an intensity, I could make out the flawlessness of his russet skin, the thud of his pulse in his neck, his heart beating, and I yearned for it, not in the vampire way but in a way that felt so new to me.
Jake and I agreed that we would wait until marriage to take our relationship to the next level, we had spent a few years dancing around the issue, being very careful, both of us knowing how easy it would be to lose control...
But now, now there wasn't anything holding us back, nothing but the minutes until we would reach our destination and I thought I might quite literally explode!!
I guess with all the thoughts running through my mind I didn't quite realize that I was still looking at Jacob, he turned to me for a split second with his peripheral vision, and I don't quite know what he seen when his eyes met mine, but the mask that he had so carefully kept on his face since we left the airport, broke....
His heart accelerated and I knew without a doubt that we weren't going to make it to the cabin, I could see his knuckles turn white as he strengthened his grip on the steering wheel, I had watched Jake trying to keep his cool, for various reasons my whole life, and he always did, he was so strong... but I think this was enough to break his resolve... just then we pulled into the drive, leading up to our "Honeymoon Getaway" ahhh, someone let the air back in...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
"God, the best Maker of all marriages combine your hearts into one." William Shakespeare
Jacob And Bella Almost Kiss
My Favorite scene in New Moon:)
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
The Twilight Saga: New Moon - Motorcycle Scene
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Rolling Stones Photoshoot: Taylor Lautner
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
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