Wondering...

I mean how many years had I spent hunting with my family, right now as I speak I had a dull burn in my throat. Jacob and I were sitting on the porch swing of my families home, and he was already snoring beside me... I definately envy his freedom to slip into oblivion in a mere matter of seconds, how many nights had I laid awake plagued by vivid nightmares full of nothingness..


Nothing but an empty forest, a stranded beach, the feeling of being alone..

The forest wasn't something I had seen alot of in the last week, the thought of hunting literally had made me sick to my stomach, which was growing increasingly more worriesome. I had loved competing with Jacob, hunting in the lush, green, wet forest for as long as I could remember.. there was something about being in your most primal form with the man you love, it's hard to explain.. but lately I just couldn't and since i've always been able to consume human food when i've wanted to no one's really questioned it...yet. I'm sure it will only be a matter of time before my Mother will notice that I haven't been hunting and start asking questions, she's always been eerily perceptible.. but I didn't know what was wrong myself,so I couldn't begin to explain to her either. But something was definately different..

I was wrapped in Jacob's arms, it was a chilly morning, there was still snow sitting on the ground in some spots, he stopped snoring and lazily opened his eyes.. leaning his head forward he kissed my cheek.. "Ness, something really is bothering you isn't it, you know you can tell me whatever it is... just think it's only going to be a matter of time before Esme and Alice are finished with our house and then we'll have all the alone time in the world," he smiled.

"No it's not that, I don't mind being here with everyone, it's not so bad..I, i'm just not feeling myself lately," I said.

"Well it's definately been a whirlwind what with the wedding and the honeymoon in Alaska..maybe your just really exhausted, I know you haven't been sleeping well lately, even though you think I sleep like the undead," he grinned. "Sometimes I lie awake and watch you.. dreaming you can be a very restless sleeper sometimes.. you mumble, and look worried..."

Well I knew he wasn't going to let it go, i've never seen anyone worry so much over someone except maybe my Father over my Mother, but even Jake could rival that..

I lifted my hand to his throat to show him the burning, "Ness if you want to hunt all you have to do is say so, I know were still in the honeymoon phase, but we have to take time for necessities," he said while lifting my hand to kiss it and kissing down my arm....

So I gently lifted my hand back to his throat to show him that I couldn't and I didn't know why, he felt the cloud of doubt in my mind and his deep brow started to furrow.. "Are you sick Ness, not feeling well.. maybe we should go talk to Carlisle?"

"No I wouldn't want to worry anyone, i'm sure my Father has unintentionally seen what i'm thinking if there was any reason for concern surely he would've come to me.."I said.

"Your probably right Ness, but still we should probably go tell them, I..I mean if anything ever happened to you.." he let his head drop leaving my eyes, I didn't want to see him worry so I agreed to talk to Carlisle later.. "Do you want to go back upstairs?" I said wagging my eyebrows, but he had already started laughing and thrown me over his shoulder to run upstairs, luckily everyone was out hunting right now....

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen