Hope Everyone Had a Great Thanksgiving!! In case you haven't noticed, i'm taking some time off for the holidays, but there's more to the story coming soon :)


As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Happy Veterans Day!!
From Renesmee's Journal!!

A New Day...

We ran in pure exhilaration through the forest around my families home, my home... our home. This would be where my children would thrive and grow, where they would raise their families... make their homes, along with Seth and Leah.. It was so beautiful to know that they would always have exactly what they needed when they needed it. The love that could only exist between each other, bodies that would only fit perfectly with one another, futures that only their thoughts contained. The relationship between Jake and I was amazing and I only hoped that everyone was able to experience the earth moving love that was shared between us...
He ran as a wolf this morning, echoing the primal extincts of the night before, I mirrored that in my own way, free of all inhibitions, running towards the two human beings that were my heart...
It's an interesting feeling to leave your heart after another to take care of even for only a short time, and I was relieved to be closer to them, every leap lessening the ache.
I saw them, through the back glass of the Cullen house. Being held by my parents, Seth and Leah flanking on either side. And both of their brilliant smiles mirrored my own as I walked up the back steps.. Had it only been one night, it seemed they had changed, grown.. yes, subtly, but they looked more mature.. knowledgeable... Surely indicative of a night with my father, who proclaimed they were both brilliant, and I couldn't deny that I agreed.. My father smiled as he read this thought, passing Elizabeth into my arms. He gently kissed me on the forehead, smoothing my hair, after the run.. "Did you have a nice night?" he asked.
"I did, how about you, did they do well on their first night away?" I asked.
"They did wonderfully, your father's in love, your lucky were still here, he thought about running away and playing house with the little nudgers.." my mother laughed, you could see the smile spread to her eyes, portraying nothing but love.. These were two of the luckiest babies on the face of the earth, to be surrounded by so much love, I hadn't seen that light in her eyes in a while with everything hanging in limbo.. I didn't want anything to rock our boat... it was perfect.. I held out my arms to Jake, who was holding Mason..
"Uh, uh" he said shaking his head, "I'll settle for a family hug, but I'm not letting this little booger go, I didn't realize I'd missed them so much.." he said smiling..
"Neither did I" I said hugging them.. "I could stand like this all day.."

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

All That I Needed...

At some point shortly after the sun rose, Jake and I both dozed off, it was the most peaceful sleep I'd had since the babies were born. It's amazing to think that you would only trust your children to a houseful of vampires, but that was the exact predicament we were in.. well that and two very scary werewolves, who were never lurking far away from the objects of their imprinting...
Given the lifestyle and challenges to which our children were born into, there was no one better capable of caring for them, they would guard them with their lives, so to speak.
It was no surprise, given our history with the Volturi, that the birth of two such amazing creatures as Elizabeth and Mason, would need to be kept under wraps, it was a very delicate circumstance to say the least.. Surely their could be no more coveted possession, even as Elizabeth's gifts were yet to be revealed, she was amazing and certainly irreplaceable. Any crime towards she or Mason, would be punishable upon the gruesomest of deaths, this I knew for a fact... It was evident in Jake's eyes as well as my own... Unspoken, because it didn't need to be said...
Since their birth, I'd been plagued with images of them, in their billowy, gray cloaks emerging upon us in the very field we'd fought for our existence once before, floating on a cloud of mist..
I would always be thankful for the amazing gift my mother possessed that day, sparing so many family and friends, and ultimately sending them away with their tails between their legs, so to speak..
But, while I admired the subtle, yet powerful gift, I knew my approach would not be so tame, just the thought almost brought a feral snarl to my teeth.. It would be a war, the supernatural world would speak of for centuries, perhaps longer. So on this night, or morning rather, I was thankful for the absence of these dreams, thankful to be in my husband's arms, and now thankful for his lips pressed against my throat..
"Mmm" I muffled, running my hands down his bare back..
"Are you finally awake then?" he asked.
"Mmm Hmm, What time is it?" I asked.
"About ten.." he casually answered.. I stifled a grunt as I realized, I'd missed feeding the babies their breakfast, but I was thankful for this blissful night we'd had together.
"What's wrong?" he asked. I slowly lifted my hand to his throat, showing him their bright little faces, when the image of the smile on my face, mirrored to his as well..
"Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked, jumping up and tossing on a pair of jeans, I giggled running towards the closet...


As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Fire...

Precise... Unbelievably strong... Fast... Mesmerizing... these were all characteristics set in place to describe myself and my family. But in this moment I felt none of these applied..

Strong... definitely not..weak, I felt weak consumed with heat, a fire I couldn't control, underneath Jake's hands was a fire burning uncontrollably so deep, it was no longer extinguishable..right to the bone, a heat that felt as if it would leave a permanent mark everywhere it spread, but a good burn, I moved.. my body turning towards the burn.. begging for it, I wanted more...

Jake's hands, strong.. sure, every movement calculated, If I could've formed a cohesive thought, I would've wondered if he could read my mind.... I watched as if by magic, his hands of leather turned to velvet as they touched... every movement spreading the fire, burning my skin, but setting my mind ablaze with ecstasy...

Fast.. not in this moment, in this moment slow was good... slower...
Slowly I watched as the muscles of his arm rolled and tensed while he hovered above me gently kissing my lips, light as a feather... slowly I watched the sweat bead up and roll down his chiseled back dripping onto my stomach.. slowly I ran my fingers through his hair, biting his shoulder...

Mesmerizing? I feel as though it would be hard to imagine anyone more mesmerizing than Jake in this moment....surely no one could fit the description better..
Although, I couldn't deny I felt mesmerizing under his gaze... the chills spread and I could feel the warmth of the blush as it spread to my cheeks, especially when his eyes skimmed over the plains of my body, as I tossed my shirt to the floor, Jake gently wrapping his arms around my waist, kissing my neck....

There were no words spoken that night, because there didn't have to be...
The love felt between us hovered in a thick cloud of lust all around us, it lingered in every kiss... every caressing touch.. every movement... every bead of sweat...
There was a mutual understanding of the desire, the need... the hunger was beyond human.. at times more than we both could take...

I lay in his arms, spent barely able to catch my breath as the first rays of sun shown across my bare back, casting a glow on Jake's face.. although chills consumed his body, he was covered in sweat, mine and his... his chiseled jaw set, relaxed with his eyes closed, as I traced my hand across his stomach to his throat, causing him to draw in a deep breath, his lower lip gently quivering while I ran my thumb across his lips...
Despite the lack of sleep, he looked perfectly content... I let my hand slightly fall to his throat....
He opened his eyes, running his hand through my hair and gently kissing my forehead...

"I love you too Ness"

It was the only words spoken that night....


As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

It Takes A Village...

I don't know where the old saying originated from, but it still rings true today.."It takes a village to raise a child" well in our case children. I knew it would be difficult, especially considering the certain, shall I say challenges, we've faced since becoming parents, I mean don't get me wrong the babies were wonderful, they were good sleepers, both sleeping throughout the night.. they had healthy appetites, with enough of their father's blood coursing through their veins that the taste for blood wasn't on their lips, they were all around good babies..
But no one tells you how much you'll worry about their mere existence, it's.... crippling.. I felt as though I didn't sleep for the first two weeks of their lives just to pop up throughout the night and make sure they were breathing and still well, I worry about every aspect of their lives and futures, their health and happiness.. everything..
So when Jake surprised me by saying that we were going to have a date night, I was excited but, well I'll say it... worried..
I didn't know if I could leave my babies with anyone else overnight.. and instantly that "mommy guilt" that everyone talks about kicked in and I suddenly knew why so many women walk around sleep deprived, in need of a shower and looking like their going to snap with the kind of fervor that lands them on the eleven o' clock news, but I digress.
Jake... and my family, especially my mother assured me that all would be fine and it was one night of their lives, they were well protected and would be well taken care of, but still their lives were going by so quickly that I didn't want to miss a single moment of it..
I felt a sickening ball of guilt in the pit of my stomach as I walked down the steps of my families home headed for the rabbit. Jake was holding my hand and I knew he could tell I was worried.. (there's that word again)
I sucked in a deep breath and vowed that I would make the most of this night with my husband, just as he stopped me, wrapping my hair in his hands and kissed me with enough passion that my heart skipped a beat, and my bones went to jello... was I still standing?

To be Continued....


As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

 Happy Halloween From Renesmee's Journal....

                        As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Average...

Sure, our family was obviously unique, displaying extreme differences from the average human family..
I realized this and was extremely thankful for these gifts, while sitting on the porch of our little red house, holding Elizabeth, watching Mason playing in the freshly fallen leaves of fall with his father, the recent events making me appreciate their unique blend all the more...

 My Father could read minds, which I'll admit at some points in my life, had driven me crazy.. it proved to be helpful most recently, especially when trying to decipher how to best help Mason control his tendency to morph into a wolf...
He and my father had been spending alot of time with one another, my father tested Mason's patience, pushing him to transform, while explaining what was happening and how he could control this trait passed through hundreds of years of Native American bloodlines.. Mason, hardly more than an infant, had also, like Elizabeth picked up several traits from me, perhaps the most beneficial being very intelligent at a very young age, able to somewhat communicate, and fully understand and follow conversations.. I was more thankful to my father for helping him with his..."gift", than he would ever know...
I marveled at my son, who quickly, with the help of everyone around him, was able to control his emotions and therefore, control his ability to transform into a wolf, he had mastered what had taken grown men years to overcome, and he was barely months old, he was amazing.. much like his father before him...
My Mother was so happy with the progress they had made together, out of everyone in my family, she knew best how I felt, she could see and feel the worry in my eyes when I looked at the amazing beautiful beings, and know that I struggled to overcome the what ifs that hung like a gloomy cloud above their heads, I was thankful for her, perhaps the most, she was always there, and unlike my father who possessed the uncanny ability to read minds, she always knew what I needed, whether it was a shoulder to cry on, a hug, encouraging words, or just sitting in the comfortable silence that I had only achieved in her presence, she was always there, and she always would be.. Her gift ,though understated at times, was perhaps the most amazing of all. Stemming from what I believed to be the ability to love and protect another will everything inside them, she was amazingly strong, and unbelievable fragile at the same time... But she could love with everything she had and she would stop at nothing to protect those she cared about...
Alice and Jasper, both played an intricate role in our family, completely amazing, otherworldly at best... at times their gifts were so prominate, it was hard to imagine that they could've have ever been... people. Anything but supernatural, hard to believe that they could have ever possessed fears, problems, or emotions that they couldn't control... But they had, perhaps more than any of us, yet they didn't swell upon that, they always put themselves last, devoting their abilities to helping and watching for those around them, selfless always giving, amazing knowing especially what Jasper had came from, he had grown perhaps the most of everyone in our family, and I treasured my friendship with them both...
Emmet and Rosalie had practically adopted me, always looking after me and only concerned with my safety and well being, like a pair of grizzlies they would protect what was theirs, and there was never any doubt that I fell into that category, even when some questioned my mere existence..
I was thankful for Carlisle and Esme, my grandparents in every since of the word.. Even after my slight lapse in judgement, causing me to attack, taking out the pent up frustration on Carlisle, he displayed the forgiveness and compassion I had grown to love him for the most, their was never a question, or an unwavering thought...Even as I couldn't even form words for an apology, he was able to place a gentle hand on my cheek, wiping away the tears, letting me know all was forgiven. And Esme, knowing loss, knew the fear in my heart, and was their with a cup of tea, ready for an hour long talk, with a compassionate face, and a warm nod of her head, it seemed as if all was well afterwards...
The cloth of our family had been intricately weaved, no doubt, uncomparable by the most amazing of situations, yet to the core, unabashedly average...
The love and devotion we felt for one another, was just like the love felt between families and friends for thousands of years.. When it came down to these simple things, we were.... average.. yet perhaps that was the most amazing gift of all..... love...

Corinthians 13:13 Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

The Hardest Hit...

A crushing blow, that's what I felt. Like being pounded in the abdomen with a steel beam, I knew my ribs had broken, but that didn't compare to the pain in the back of my head I felt after slamming into the bookshelf in Carlisle's office.. I felt the pain, I understood the pain after what I'd just hit, but where it came from was harder to figure out, it happened so quickly, it was almost inconceivable..
The only indication it was coming was a gust of chilly wind against my skin, and then my mother, had shoved me back using the palms of her hands against my stomach, knocking me away from attacking Carlisle..
I wanted to be angry with her but I knew it was necessary, if I'd hurt Carlisle, or he'd hurt me I'd never forgive myself for his pain and everyone elses.. I knew she loved me and she had to do it, but it was harder to explain that to Jake.. His primal instinct cut in and the office erupted to ear shattering howls and screeches.. All I could think was "What have I done?"
My whole world had been turned upside down, all due to my bitterness surrounding Mason's health.. There was a better way to deal with this, I just lost control and I had to fix it..
I struggled to stand, finding it difficult, I watched as my mother and father circled Jake, everyone clearly upset, no one giving in first, I had to put myself in the middle of them, I knew no matter what none of them would hurt me and if I could stop them for just a second, long enough to snap back and realize that by hurting each other, my world as we know it would end...
But, someone beat me to it, two someones actually.. Seth and Leah..
Seth stepped in the middle of the circle, letting out a deafening growl, as Leah held Mason in her arms, she cooed to him and within moments he had calmed, the room had grown quiet, Jake had transformed back and I gingerly laid my hand against Elizabeth's stomach, she looked startled, clearly.. her eyes taking everything in and all I felt was shame, for what I'd done.. Leah stepped forward..
"This is absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary, what happened here today should have never taken place, you are a family, that means you're there through the thick and thin.. no matter what..." she said, "There are always going to be challenges, everyone knew this going into it, but none of that is important, the only thing that matters now are these two precious beings, and you all need to pull it together for them, this cannot happen again.."
"I agree" I said, "And I'm sorry." I walked over to Leah and held out my arms for Mason, she reluctantly handed him over, I looked at the precious baby wrapped in a blue blanket and wondered how this had all transpired, his future was filled with what ifs, as well as Elizabeth's... but I would be there..calmly.. every step of the way..
"You are my life now, " I whispered kissing his forehead.. As Jake walked towards me holding Elizabeth, "No matter what." he agreed.
And from that day forward we decided to lift the "what ifs" to God, we were first and foremost their parents, and we were taking that job very seriously...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Explain...

Suddenly, after moments had passed a lifetime in "vampire" time, I realized no one was moving, no one was trying to do anything, think anything, explain anything.. I looked at Carlisle willing him with my eyes to explain, to give us any insight as to what was happening to my sweet child, but nothing.. he gave us nothing..
What would happen to this sweet innocent child who already had the ability to morph into a "Wolf" I spat the word, this would ruin his life, he could never be normal... normalcy that's all I'd ever wanted for my kids, to live a blissful, average life.. and now this..
I could feel the anger overwhelm me, ripping like a current through my body, I sucked back the hot tears, transforming them into rage, a feral snarl ripping through my lips.. it was a sound I'd never released, I was so angry... angry that this precious product of my love for Jacob, was being subjected to a life of unknowns and what ifs..Angry that my Mother and Father had even made the decision to have me, Angry that I had fell in love with a "Wolf" , and now in the present I was angry that Carlisle, was unmoving, unwavering showing no sign insight into what was happening to Mason, I couldn't control my emotions and for the first time, I felt like a.....a..Vampire..
And I let it take me over, before I could control my self, I lunged straight for Carlisle's throat, it was the last thing I remember, the confusion in his eyes, as I could see his "heart breaking".


As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Shocked...

Shocked... it's the only word I could use to describe the emotion rolling through me right now, I looked into the sweet innocent face of my beautiful son... filled with all the hopes and dreams of tomorrow, anticipation for a bright beautiful future..
When all of a sudden out of nowhere I felt my eyes had beseeched me, I blinked trying to expel the image that I could feel permanently settling in my brain, as I held what appeared to be a small puppy...
I knew this day would come, I had seen so much; much more than anyone should ever see in their lives, I had finally lost my mind. I tried to look up at Jacob.. at anyone to see if anyone conveyed the look of shock I could feel on my face, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the image of the small, warm....  animal in my arms..
No way this was possible, I had heard of many things, but this had to be one of the most amazing things I'd ever seen, as the pup whimpered still clearly upset he swiped at my arm, his claws ripping at the bare skin..
I flinched back as Jake gently grabbed the baby from my arms, snapping me back into reality..
Baby.... Son.... Puppy?   No, not puppy..... Wolf.... it hit me like a sharp, cold breeze, suddenly I realized what had happened, what was happening... what would this mean?
Did anyone know, could they? Had there ever been? I knew the answer... No..
What would happen to my sweet, beautiful baby boy?
I looked at Jake, as he quietly hushed our little man, I could feel the warm tears flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably, I looked at Carlisle, I'd never seen such a confused expression in his eyes before, surely if anyone had an explanation it would be him, after all he was an expert in all things supernatural.. He could help... couldn't he?


As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

And So It Began...

As we walked to my families home, I thought about what Carlisle would have to say concerning the baby's health and development..There were so many what ifs in my life, I didn't want the baby's to fall into that category, the pregnancy made it obvious that they would develop at a faster rate, despite my efforts to not "analyze" them I knew that they were growing at a faster rate than normal, Jake could see it too, even though he would never let on, he wouldn't say anything to upset me and I loved him for that.. I reached over to take his hand as we got closer to the house...
When we entered Carlisle stood as if he'd been waiting for us to arrive, but my mother was the first to meet us, "And how are the most beautiful babies in the world?" she asked in that baby voice, the one I'd never heard her use before, but it was endearing to see two innocent souls crack the shell of a vampire, my father just loved to be near them, he claimed that they were brilliant, even if they shared Jacob's bloodline, he joked.. and on a more serious side, he spoke of how much they loved me, and how the sound of my voice made their hearts double in size... that was one of many special beautiful moments we'd shared in my life.. I was so grateful to have him as a father, and was thankful that my children would share him as a grandfather, his abilities were as amazing as he was, and I loved him so much...
Carlisle gently motioned us to his office, so he could "check out" the babies.. On the outside it seemed like any routine physical ... but there were subtle differences.. obviously he couldn't go about normal circumstances on some things, there skin was extra strong and resilient just like mine.. so routine blood work was a bit of a challenge, unlike me however they seemed to prefer a human diet, I had assumed as much considering my aversion to blood during the pregnancy...
He noted their growth, with a line of concern creasing between his eyes, and he moved at such a quick, careful rate that Mason never woke up, until it was time for his blood work that is... Elizabeth had hers taken first, Carlisle had fashioned a device equivalent to the strength of a vampires fangs.. sharper than anything ever necessary for human blood work, and with a gentle press of the finger he retrieved a few drops of blood to examine..
And then came Mason's turn, he'd been asleep wrapped in a soft bundle in my arms, until this point I hadn't recalled ever hearing him cry, or Elizabeth for that matter, they were both even tempered generally happy, it helped that my father knew what they wanted before they'd even had a chance to get upset, so as Carlisle pressed the device to Mason's chubby little hand, he had awoke from the cold touch of his hand, he let out a high pitched scream...
It was to be expected, but what happened next was not....

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Happy Family...

I couldn't be happier with our family, once I was feeling well and Carlisle felt we were ready, after I refused the testing, at least within the first week. I wanted time to bond with my children without measuring tape and blood work, just one week, was that so much to ask? Although the hands on testing was yet to begin, much to everyone's dismay, I could see their eyes, watching, calculating with complete precision... all I could do was pray as we retreated to our little red house with the babies... Obviously, due to the fact that I had faced challenges of my own with growing and maturing that was in the back of our minds, we wondered what course their lives would take, and silently agreed we hoped it would be as normal and steady as possible, whatever that meant in this family...
As we got settled in at home, we tried to learn as much as we could about these new babies and their personalities, obviously we adored them both, had Jake and I not had such an amazing relationship, beyond the realm of normal relationships, I would have doubted there could ever be a love to rival that of my children, and I still question it, everyday I fall more and more in love with each of them... I feel like I can't even sleep because I don't want to miss a single moment of their lives, everyone assures me that will pass...
Right now I'm sitting in the rocking chair by the fire holding Mason, as Jake sleeps on the couch with Elizabeth sleeping across his chest, I laugh at the sight of both of their mouths open in pure contentment, simultaneously drooling, it doesn't get any cuter... I guess he could feel that I was watching him because he started to stir, lifting his head with one eye open in my direction...
"Is everything alright? Was I snoring?" he asked.
"Everything's fine, and of course you were snoring, the funny part is so was Elizabeth, and drooling might I add.."
He laughed, leaning down to kiss her on the head, "Like father, like daughter" he said smiling..

I smiled to happy with this simple moment of pure joy, knowing that it would only be a matter of time before I wouldn't be able to put off the testing, and it was for the best, we had to make sure everything was okay, everyone was healthy, even though in the back of my mind I wanted to take my husband and my baby and retreat to a dark cave somewhere never to return, living a blissful little life together.... but I guess we might as well get it over with, Jake was watching me and without words, he knew the resolution I had reached he slowly sat up,lifting Elizabeth against his shoulder as she let out a soft little yawn, asking if I was ready with his eyes, I walked towards him with Mason wrapped in his blanket as he kissed me on my forehead, "Ready as I'll ever be..."

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

No One Expected Pt 2...

We'd watched and welcomed as a flood of visitors passed through to meet the unthinkable, two children.. two babies born out of the love between a werewolf and a vampire-hybrid... We watched as each member of our families, our friends everyone important in our lives each held the babies quickly falling in love.. We felt truly blessed by the union that our love had created, our lives felt complete...
We expected it, knowing how each of our families felt about us, knowing that they  couldn't doubt our love for one another, couldn't doubt our excitement for the impending birth, couldn't doubt our adoration for our children.. We loved them more than we could love ourselves, more than is describable by words...
Not much could surpass the bond created between Jake and I with our children over the last couple of days...I could think of only one thing....one simple word....Imprint...
Jake and I had just warmly embraced, each of us holding one of our little miracles, both sleeping soundly, awaiting the next visitors, as Leah and Seth entered the room, Leah, for once in my presence seemed to have a relaxed calm expression on her face, and Seth bounced in holding flowers, a huge smile spread across his face, nothing different there...
I watched as they each calmed, slowly dragging their feet in our direction, Leah extending her arms for the blue bundle wrapped in Jacob's arms, as she took him, gently cradling him in both arms, her muscles seemed to relax throughout her whole body, she softly swayed from side to side, and a light smile spread across her face as soft tears fell down her cheeks..She looked at Mason as though no one else had ever existed, as though they had been the only two people on the face of the earth... It was an idolatry expression, a devout Christian witnessing their Lord... it was almost to intimate to watch, yet totally understandable from Jake and I... it was imprinting, and it was right, expected though no one had realized before, it was exactly what Leah needed, wanted... what they were born for... each other...

Elizabeth... asleep, resting on her father's shoulder, immediately commanded Seth's attention. Unexpected, would be the same emotion emoting from Seth, towards our sweet little Elizabeth... while Jake understood, his protective "Father" instinct washed over his body, and I could see him trembling as Seth held our sweet baby girl, looking into her eyes, she woke just before being placed in his arms, as though she felt his presence, looking as if she needed to meet his eyes as much as he needed to see hers.. it was, in my opinion.... beautiful, breathtaking to know that my daughter would have someone in her life... a protector, a friend, a brother exactly what she needed when she needed it... she was blessed, and so was Seth, for I knew looking into her eyes, that she was truly special, they would be amazingly happy with each other, and while I knew Jake felt very protective, and that it would take time for him to adjust to the idea, it was perfect, I could think of no one better suited to care for our daughter, love her.. he was alot like Jake, and I loved that about him, I knew they would live a happy life together, still I giggled as Jake, not so subtly slid his arm under Elizabeth and stalked to the rocking chair in the corner with her, finally easing the trembling.. Seth's eyes never left Lizzie, even as he congratulated me on their birth, he was a "blind man seeing the sun for the first time..."
Leah never spoke, but she didn't have to, her eyes, expression and the protective way she held her body over my Son, there was no doubt in what had taken place...
I was happy to know that she would finally be happy, and I'll say it again, it's absolutely amazing what our love has brought together, our families were bursting with joy, pure jubilence for the birth of our children, I loved my husband and family more than words could explain, and I was happy that our extended family would be around more now.... our family had just grown by two (whether Jake was completely comfortable with that idea, was yet to be seen....)

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

No One Expected...

The next few days were a blur of guests; friends and family bringing gifts, cards balloons, and well wishes.. accompanied by cameras (mostly on Charlie's part) it was a flood of consistent happiness..
"Congratulations, she looks just like you, he's got your eyes, she's got his nose" the usual...
They were beautiful, but maybe I was slightly partial, of course according to all the visitors, they were the most beautiful babies that had ever stepped foot on this earth, in reality or our realm of fantasy..
My grandpa Charlie, insisted he hadn't seen a baby more beautiful since the day he met me, his eyes were blurred with tears and he had a smile nothing could take away, he came in carrying a huge bouquet of pink and blue balloons, with two giant stuffed animals under each arm, he was proud to say the least...
Esme and Carlisle were overjoyed to be adding to their unique family tree, and Carlisle wondered what if any special talents the babies would possess, only time would tell but they were already gifted in mine and Jake's eyes.. Rosalie and Emmett returned from the hunting trip, I had always held a special place in Rosalie's heart, so to speak, and I remembered all the little moments with her, we had a special relationship, I knew she'd fought for my life from the beginning and I was thankful that my children would have an amazing Aunt in their lives, not to mention Jasper and Alice, Alice would no doubt spoil them rotten and had already taken more photos than most children have of themselves in a lifetime...
All day we were flooded with a stream of visitors, Billy and the gang from La Push arrived a little after lunch time, Billy came in first by himself, his eyes glistening with tears, mirrored by Jake's as well, as he took in the sight of his grandchildren, he hugged Jake tightly, and lightly kissed me on the forehead proclaiming that  "a wheelchair was the perfect spot to hold two babies at once, what with the nice arm rests and all," he said smiling. Jake handed over the babies one at a time, they looked so relaxed and Alice came in to snap a quick picture, just as Mason stretched and yawned.. I had noticed already he could sleep like his father, out at the drop of a hat.. while Elizabeth had an inquisitive look, taking everything in and only resting when she couldn't hold her eyes open any longer, she didn't want to miss a thing.."Wonder where she gets that from?" Jake mockingly asked..
After Sam and Emily brought Mia in to "meet her future husband" and life long friend, we welcomed the last visitors of the day, Leah with for once a less than disgruntled look on her face and Seth, carrying flowers...
It had been a beautiful day, and no one expected what happened next...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Introducing Pt 2... Renesmee's POV

For you formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and
wonderfully made.
Psalms 139:13--14

I was confused, I had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy, I was moments away from Jake lying him in my arms, and I was still in an immense amount of pain, almost as if I'd never delivered a child.. I felt like I was still in labor....
I watched Jake's panicked expression as a wave of pain caused me to vomit over the side of the bed. I worried that I wasn't going to make it, that we had done something wrong, was I untitled to the joy of a beautiful family, an amazing husband... an adorable son. Was it more than any one human deserved? More than was permitted in one lifetime. Jake put the baby down in the bed, so he could come back to me, I watched as his eyes went from mine to the monitor, and although I wanted to see what was causing this new understanding I was in too much pain to lift my head... Jake looked as if he was about to speak, when Carlisle and my Mother busted through the door.
Carlisle went straight to the monitor, a look of confusion on his face, he eyed the baby, now in Jake's arms, and the monitor, as the pain subsided just long enough for me to coherently hear a faint thumping radiating from the monitor...
I'd heard it all along, but I thought it was coming from the pain, just a dull roaring in my ears. But now in the quiet of the room, when you could hear a pin drop it was obvious....
Was it possible, I'd had all the necessary tests, all the ultrasounds, there was nothing to indicate a .......second child..
Was there?
Carlisle tried to speak to me, as a second wave of pain shot through my body, I couldn't comprehend anything...
Had it not been for the part of my mind formed like a vampire, my counterpart able to process many things at once, when I heard..."a second womb.... a medical anomaly... breech birth....cesarean"
I felt one last cool wave of relief shoot through the veins in my arms, I seen Jake's face and then I was out...
I woke up to the sound of a thumping monitor, fluttering just slightly quicker than normal... and I thought the pain must have knocked me out, only moments had passed... But I didn't feel any pain, there was a slight stinging near the bottom of my stomach... just faintly though, nothing like before. I could hear a heavy, thudding heart beside me, accompanied by the rhythmic sound of two.....two lighter heartbeats...
I opened my eyes to see Jake's face, I faintly smiled at him as he exhaled, he looked as if he'd been holding his breath the whole time I was out..
He seemed to be holding himself a little awkwardly as my eyes met my son's... my son wrapped in a blue blanket, and just to the right of him lay a sleeping baby in a pink blanket..
I rubbed my eyes trying to fix the image laid before me, but the baby was still there.. I looked up at Jake, he was smiling now, as he stood up placing the baby in the pink blanket on my lap...
"Nessie, meet our daughter..." I could feel the warm tears run down my cheeks as she gently yawned wrapping her tiny hand around my finger.. her temperature matched mine perfectly, as did her bronze hair.
She was perfect, they both were... unique in their own special way, with touches of their father and I, mixed in with their own little quirks...perfect..

Jacob Mason Black & Elizabeth Marie Black

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Introducing...

I felt completely helpless as I watched the thin line rise up and down on the thumping monitor, especially considering everyone had just left to hunt. I sat holding her hand as she reassured me that it was "Okay, these things take hours, everyone would be back soon, and all would go as planned."
I tried to talk her through the pain, make sure she was breathing, ask her if she needed anything. I felt as though I was probably more annoying, than a helpful, steady coach.
But, I had never been this nervous in my whole life, I had watched Nessie being born, and it, at the time.. seemed altogether disastrous, there was no way I could witness Ness going through that same ordeal, not if I could help it. I felt as though my whole existence fell around making her happy, and keeping her safe... loving her with everything I had in me.. But, no matter what I did today she would be in pain, and she seemed to be handling that much better than I was...
I watched with adoration as she breathed through each pain, forming some coherency, I began to time the contractions, they had started at about six minutes apart and now, just an hour later, they were coming less than a minute apart..
Granted, I hadn't read all the baby books she had coyly placed around the house, I knew this was progressing rather quickly...
I could see the panic creeping across her face, so I tried to remain as steady as possible, as I looked at the monitor, she watched me gauging my every expression, I tried to smile reassuringly as I screamed in my mind, hoping for once Edward was listening and would get Carlisle back here as quickly as possible.
Ten more minutes passed, a lifetime in vampire time.... a lifetime when you were in the kind of pain Nessie was in right now..
She began breathing more heavily, as she turned and grabbed my arm.. "Jake.... it's time.... you.. have... to help me... no one else..... is here." I robotically shook my head, why did everything in Nessie's life always have to happen so quickly?
I lifted the blanket off of her and tried to gently rub her stomach as she held my hand, she slowly lifted her leg, as I ran my hand down her thigh... Oh yes, it was time, there was no doubt about that... I wasn't exactly skilled in this area, but I wasn't an idiot either.. It was very clear this baby was waiting for no one... Already like it's Mother, I thought..
I let my eyes scan the room, as I searched for gloves, I seen none but I spotted several small blankets, folded up neatly on the bottom of the bedside table, I reached down grabbing one and gently shaking it out... I had never been so scared in my life, but I took a moment to pray for the strength to help my wife through this, and I felt the peace wash over me...
Meanwhile, the pain had taken over and Nessie was on the verge of losing control, I said her name, trying to keep her eyes locked on mine, "Breath Honey, breath.. your gonna have to take some deep breaths okay, the baby's right here, so just try to calm down, okay?"
"Calm Down, Calm Down, Ha. Okay, Jake I'll start working on that then..." I laughed and by the expression on her face that was the wrong thing to do.
"Okay Honey, do you feel like your ready to push?" I asked holding the blanket in both of my hands..
"Uh, huh.." she breathed nodding her head.
"Okay, Nessie" her eyes met mine, "You can do this, I'm right here for you.."
And with three deep breaths, and three big pushes, I looked down into the head full of dark hair of our child... Ness gently lifted her hand, as I placed it on the baby's head, we both smiled, as the tears streamed down her cheeks. With one last deep breath, one great push, I held in this tiny blanket... my Son...

I gently placed him on his Mother's chest as he let out the most beautiful cry I'd ever heard in my life, we both laughed as he quickly blinked... blinked with the same chocolate brown, almond shaped, beautiful eyes of his mother, his grandmother... taking in the room around him... I leaned down to kiss the Mother of my child, wiping the tears from her cheeks and tucking the loose curl behind her ear, she smiled up at me and she had never looked more beautiful.... And, I picked him up taking him to the baby bed Carlisle had placed in the corner of the room to clean him off a little bit, I kept peeking over my shoulder as Renesmee looked perfectly content, surely everyone would be returning any time now? I bundled up the baby, and turned just as Renesmee leaned up vomiting over the side of the bed holding her stomach, writhing in agony...

-Jake

Human Experiences...

I walked into Carlisle's office, closing the door behind me, not that that would make a difference in this house, no in this house there was no such thing as a private conversation, (I threw that in just for Edward's benefit.) And just like everyone else, Ness had heard a good bit of the conversation that had just taken place outside, and was already shaking her head no.
Gah, she was so stubborn.
She had stood up to stretch her muscles, she really had gotten huge in the last couple of days, I gently smiled at her, as I placed my hands on her stomach, she leaned forward kissing me, as I felt the baby kick under my hands.. She smiled, as I helped her get back into bed, but as soon as she was settled, the same determined look crossed her face, I turned to face the firing squad...

"Listen Ness, I know you have your heart set on a natural childbirth, and I know that Carlisle would agree if he thought it was best, but I think for everyone's safety, we should go with what Carlisle recommends," I said, wincing because I could see with every word, the fire had been lit inside her..
"You, listen Jake, I am sick and tired of everyone making my decisions for me, I'm very well educated, I've read everything there is to read on the subject, and there's no medical reason to go forth with a cesarean. It's just another way for everyone else to be in control, no one thinks I'm strong enough to handle this, I am not a child, and at any moment I'm going to be someone's Mother. I've made this decision for myself, and as long as the baby shows no distress, I will proceed with a natural child birth, just like we wanted," she said crossing her arms, she hadn't taken a breath the whole time, and her face was red.. almost purple, just like Charlie's got when he was angry. The fact that she was my imprint, made it nearly impossible to say or do anything to upset her, so it hurt me to see her upset, and as much as I wanted what was best for her, I could definitely see where she was coming from. I just hated myself for putting everyone in this position. I also knew that even though her family disagreed, they would all be there to support her, and Carlisle would take every necessary precaution....except one, one that neither of us agreed with.. Surely they all had heard the rant she just had, and I imagined everyone, with the exception of her hard-headed Mother, would show no disdain, especially when it came to Ness. I leaned forward kissing her on the forehead,
"Okay, whatever you see best my Nessie. If you're in, I'm In..." I said.
With that Carlisle walked in, with Bella and Edward following behind. He looked at both of our faces, "Well I see you've made your decision then." We each shook our heads, "And, you know my opinion on the matter?" Again we shook our heads, "Okay then, as you are measuring 40 centimeters today, and the baby looks to be in no distress, if you haven't gone into labor by in the morning, we will induce your labor. That way I can monitor you at all times, just to be safe." he anxiously eyed Bella and Edward, Bella was chewing on her lip, as Edward had his arms around her waist. "Everyone will hunt tonight, to be on the safe side, we want to take every necessary precaution.."
With that he leaned down and kissed Nessie on the forehead, Bella and Edward did the same, as they parted ways to go hunt.
I was looking forward to some alone time with Nessie, I knew if anything was bothering her, she would tell me when we were alone...
When I was sure everyone was out of earshot, and mind reading range.. I broke the silence.
"Ness are you sure this is what you want to do? No one will think you aren't brave or strong, if you change your mind, we all love you unconditionally." I said, stroking her hair.
"No, Jake it's nothing like that, I just.. well, I just think that childbirth is such a beautiful amazing experience, and I've missed so many normal human experiences, that this isn't one I want to compromise on.." she smiled, "Besides, I am tougher than people think, and I think this will be the most amazing experience of both of our lives."
I couldn't disagree with that, I had been dreaming of the moment since I found out she was pregnant, I couldn't wait to see our child, coming forth from the woman I love, I knew if it were possible, I would love her all the more, for giving me such an amazing gift, to be a Father.... someone's Dad, we would be parents... I couldn't wait. Excitement set in, clouded by anxiety, as I realized, we had less than a day before we would meet our child, as our eyes met, she could read the doubt washing through me, she gently ran her hand through my hair, leaving her warm palm on my cheek, just as she shrilled in pain......
I watched as the monitor beside the bed spiked with a fervent contraction, it was time.......

-Jake

It's Time...

I looked up at Ness, she had a tube of oxygen running across her cheeks, her cheeks once rosy and bright now looked paler than I'd ever seen them. I ran my eyes down to the new IV that had been placed in her arm, as she followed my gaze she said, "It's a course of steroids, just to be safe," she assured as she witnessed my face fall, "It will strengthen the babies lungs as much as possible before delivery. Don't worry Jake, I've read about this it's common in the most normal of pregnancies, it's no big deal.." she said smiling.
God she was like her Mother, it drove me crazy...yet it was what I loved about her the most..
I lifted up to kiss her forehead and run my fingers through her hair, she looked so breakable...
Days ago I had worried that I wouldn't be prepared to be a Father in the time we had, and now I just wanted this over as soon as possible, with my Nessie unscathed and as perfect as ever..
Carlisle walked in and for the first time I looked up and realized Bella and Edward weren't in the room, that was odd..
"Ah, Jake I see your awake.. Ness, how are you feeling?" he said.
"Great," she said eyeing me nervously as I exhaled loudly, yeah Great, she was just covered in tubes and poked with needles, lying on bedrest due solely to my stupidity, but she was Great...
"Well the baby looks wonderful on the monitor, and you seem to look much better, we'll just have to stay on bed rest until this little tyke makes it's big debut. Can I get you anything?" he asked. Why hadn't I thought to ask her that, I was more nervous than I realized normally I anticipated what she needed before she did, I couldn't think straight...
"Actually, I'm starving I wouldn't mind something to eat.." she said, just as Bella entered with a plate of eggs and toast. She smiled at her Mother as I helped her sit up to eat. Bella never looked at me...
Man, I shouldn't have went to sleep, I felt I was missing something...
Bella kissed her on the forehead, tucking the loose curl behind her ear, and looked up at me motioning me into the hallway. As she walked out I started to follow, "Where are you going?" Ness asked.
"I was just stepping out for a glass of water, I'll be right back I said, "Can I get you anything else while I'm out?" I asked.
"No, I'm fine. Just don't be gone too long, okay?" she said smiling, it amazed me that she didn't hate me at this point..
As I stepped out into the hallway Bella was pacing, and Edward was standing in the corner.
"Hey, what's going on Bells?"
"Hey, what's going on?  What's going on is my daughters in there stubborn as ever with the full intent to give birth naturally, instead of by cesarean because it's what the two of you thought best..." she said looking as if she would lunge for my throat at any moment.
"Whoa now, we may have talked about it a time or two before all this happened, but you know I want what's best for Ne-- Renesmee just as much as you do, no matter what has to happen, as long as she's safe, that's all that matters to me.."
"Well maybe you should go explain that to her then, and I suggest sooner rather than later, since Carlisle wants to deliver today." she said.
"Today...okay..." I felt shock wash over my entire body, today why today, I thought we had more time, I didn't know if I could handle this but, I knew I had to be strong for Nessie. So here I go to talk some sense into the woman who rivals the stubbornness of her Mother, and that was saying something...
Wish Me Luck...
Jacob

Renesmee's Lullaby

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

A Simpler Time... Jake's POV

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

My head felt like it was going to explode, I had never been so stressed and so worried about anyone in my whole life, I sat there in a chair pulled up beside Renesmee, holding her hand as she slept, she never woke that day, and Carlisle said it was probably from the medication; like me, her temperature ran a little warmer than the average human, so it was a trial basis as to how many pain meds she needed, I was wary but knew that he was doing his best to take care of her.. and the baby..
Somewhere throughout the night I feel asleep, it was like my mind couldn't handle it anymore, Bella and Edward hadn't left her side and the tension in the room was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.. I slept in the chair, with my head leaning against the bed, never letting go of Renesmee's hand, and at some point began dreaming...dreaming of a simpler time, before Ness knew she was my imprint... before anything got complicated, when we were just friends, best friends...

Every morning I sat in the same spot, in the woods in my wolf form, between two trees, just out of sight of the big house, I would watch as she came out the side door, onto the porch of their home to watch the sunrise...
She always wore her white sweater, pulling it around her as the wind would blow through her hair, sending her scent in my direction.. It was the most amazing smell in the world, a sweet-honey lilac scent, I couldn't even concentrate when it would fill my nose. I watched as the sun peeked out through the ever looming clouds above, casting a faint glow across her skin, setting off the beautiful bronze color of her hair hanging down her back.. She always whispered something, which until later I wouldn't know was her morning prayers, asking God to watch over her family,over me, her friends, and thanking him for another beautiful sunrise... So many mornings I wished to be on the porch with her, my arms wrapped around her as we watched the sun rise, and we said our morning prayers for our family, but she needed time.. time to grow time to mature, although she was probably already more mature than I was at the time, I knew soon she'd be strong enough to handle everything that being the imprint of a werewolf entailed, and as I watched her on the porch, she looked in my direction, and I could hear her whispering as she assured me she was strong enough, she was going to make it through this.. and I felt her hand touch mine, it felt so real, like she was right there, soft as silk.. running just a few degrees warmer than me, and then I felt her hand running through my hair, even more real this time.
I blinked just a few times, and I wasn't in the woods anymore, I was inside in Carlisle's office....
I looked up into Ness' eyes, she was awake although she looked weak.
"Hi," she said smiling, "For once you were talking in your sleep".
I laughed, an odd sound after the day that had transpired, "How long have you been awake, I'm sorry I fell asleep, I didn't me-".
"Shh, it's okay I've only been awake a few minutes, I feel much better though," she said smiling, although I knew her so I could tell she was putting up a front, but I was just glad to hear her speak and see her awake, now I just wanted to see what happened next...

-Jake

My Other Half.... Jacob's Point of View

I watched as a sharp pain brought her to her knees, all I could think was "Noooo, not her anybody but her" it took everything I had in me to not let the pain take over, the anger, the sadness I was inches away from turning into a werewolf, and if I wanted to be able to help Ness, I had to keep it under control...
Still, I screamed in my mind, thought about the way she fell, what she looked like now, passed out cold on the ground, I screamed it as loud as I could, knowing that her Father would hear me.
A millisecond later he came running with Bella, the expression on her face was unlike any pain I'd ever seen her in, I'd seen her when he left, seen her thinking that her life was over, her other half was missing, this was nothing compared to that.... And I had caused this pain, this time it was my fault, when I swore I'd never hurt her I meant it, she was my best friend, and this time all the blame lay on my shoulders, but still I knew that my face portrayed the same emotion as hers, all the while Edward was glaring at me as if he could kill me in a split second..
Edward quickly assessed the situation and gently picked up Renesmee starting towards the big house, I had never felt so helpless in my life, I could've easily picked her up and carried her back to the house myself, but I couldn't, I was paralyzed by fear, fear of losing her...losing my other half, could you live with half a heart?
The answer was no, even if it were possible, there's no way I could live without Renesmee, if anything happened to her, especially at the will of my own hands, I would beat my last breath as well, that I would make sure of...
"You wouldn't be the only one, Dog" ,Edward mumbled.
I just hung my head in shame, as we walked into the house and Edward carried her upstairs, Carlisle was waiting in his office. He got to work immediately, trying to check every inch of her body, was their anything he could do? He checked her vital signs, she was breathing that was good. But what had happened? She had always been strong, could this be too much for her, who knew what strength the child of a half werewolf, half vampire-hybrid held? That was the fear all along, the fear of the unknown..
"Well," Carlisle spoke, ending the deafening silence in the room, no one had even been breathing, "after hooking her up to the monitors, it seems that she is in labor, and due to the strength of her own muscles the contractions caused her so much pain that her body quickly shut down to protect itself."
With that I winced, almost falling to my knees, what had I done to her? The woman I love was in more pain than she could comprehend and it was all of my doing...
Carlisle started an IV to give her some pain medicine, and we all waited for her to come back around, I wondered what the next day would hold, would I meet my child, that I was immensely thankful for, but would it be at the expense of losing my wife.... that I couldn't handle, I began to pray, and this verse washed over me...

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
      do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
                                          Isaiah 41:10

...Jacob

Jacob's POV

Due to the impending birth of their first child and unexpected events, Jacob will be taking over the journal to allow Renesmee to get some rest..... hope you like it :)

The Perfect Day...

I sat anxiously awaiting the arrival of the first guests, my Grandpa Charlie and Sue, the pack from La Push,  and my Grandmother Renee were coming by first..
It was amazing the onset the last ten years had brought, Charlie who had spent the majority of his adult life a workaholic, passing endless hours at the county jail, to stave off the lonely nights, always wondering what he could've done to prevent my Grandmother Renee from leaving....Finally came to the realization, that he gave all he could give, he loved my Mother with his whole heart, and now he was able to give some of that loveto Sue, have a granddaughter, and soon a great grandchild, it was all he could've ever asked for... a family, and he was so happy to be at the shower today...
The pack from La Push, once mortal enemies to my family, were here today, in perfect ease, in loving support of Jake and his imprint, their family, that was one of the most amazing revelations that our love had brought together, and 10 years after awaiting my birth, thinking it would set forth a war between our two families, now they awaited the birth of our child in unison with my family, and Billy was spilling over with joy at the thought of having a grandchild and according to my Father hoped it would look like me, I smiled at that thought, I felt truly blessed to have two fathers...
My Grandmother Renee was in from Florida, it took several years after my birth for my Mother to be able to work up the nerve to introduce the two of us. I appeared to be eight or nine when we met, yet I was no where near that age, and I can remember the look in her eyes, when my Mother introduced me as the newest member of the Cullen family, and adoptee of Carlisle and Esme, my Mother had often spoke of her intuitiveness, the way she very quickly read people, I saw her expression as her eyes met mine... my eyes, my Mother's eyes, she knew right away... yet she could've cared less, she loved me as if we'd met on day one, and though she never referred to me as her granddaughter, abiding by the unspoken rule that the "public" story was the most important, she loved me just the same, and I loved her, and she couldn't wait to meet our child, she rarely traveled to Forks, but she wouldn't have missed today for the world...
We sat talking, catching up, wagering on whether or not it would be a boy or a girl, to anyone from the outside it would've appeared to be a normal baby shower, and in many ways it was, no one could doubt the love and excitement for the impending birth in this room, this child would be surrounded by so many different kinds of love, I..we were truly blessed...
And not long after the first round of guests departed for the day, the second set came in from all parts of the world..
We had to be very careful whom we invited from this part of  "our world", there was a stigma attached to our family, even in this life of surreal fantasy. We went against the grain, against our basic instincts, and while I found it noble not everyone agreed with that. And, because of this we were not on everyone's favorite list, the most important being the Volturi, so we had to be very careful who we shared our blessed news with, because not everyone found it a blessing...
Because of that fact we invited the Denali's with great trepidation on my Mother's part because she felt they were truly the weakest link, still they had shown up very graciously, with nothing but well wishes, I was happy to see them, and was hopeful for nothing but a peaceful future, I wanted to always see the best in everyone, and I would always be grateful for them standing beside my family on my behalf...
The nomads all came to visit, Mary, Peter and Charlotte. Our Egyptian friends Benjamin, and Tia. All seemed excited and bringing well wishes for our health, as I've said before I felt we would always be connected due to the great battle we faced on my behalf, I would forever be grateful...
Nahuel sent a very beautiful card

"I wish you nothing but the best on the impending birth of your child, I hope your all in great health and spirits, and I will be thinking of you during this important time of your life..
                                                                       with love my Dear Renesmee, Nahuel

... to which Jacob, rolled  his eyes, I felt as though that was a fair response and let it go at that...
And last but certainly not least was my dear friend Zafrina, who visited with well wishes and filled my mind with images of chubby babies in fields of flowers, I smiled and wished that she would've been able to stay for the birth, that could've been a nice distraction from the task at hand, but that was obviously not an option...
We rounded out the night with well wishes from everyone as they departed, and Jake and I made our way back to the little red house, it had been such a long day, and I was absolutely exhausted, but it couldn't have gone any better. I was so happy and amazed that everything had went so beautifully and Jake looked absolutely content in the moonlight tonight... Today was...perfect, and then a pain shot through me that literally dropped me to my knees...the last vision that went through my mind was Jake's panicked expression.

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

The Shower...

I woke up to the sun shining brightly through the patio doors in our bedroom, it was a bright sunny day, and I could hear the birds chirping outside... this would make the average person cheerful, not that I wasn't happy, today was the baby shower I'd been anxiously awaiting, but I actually preferred the rain, it was soothing... it was all I'd ever known, due to my families "genealogy" it was essential to living an everyday life.
But the sunny weather would be a perfect backdrop to the shower none the less, Alice had covered the backyard with a huge white tent, filled with twinkly lights, and beautiful arrangements on the tables, more suitable for a wedding, absolutely beautiful, ostentatious without a doubt, completely overdone, soo Alice.. I thought smiling.

But she no doubt did it out of pure love, and I was very excited.. it would be a mid afternoon "floating" shower, and I use that in the most lenient of terms, because due to the guest list, by tonight it would feel like several small parties in one. We had to plan the arrival of our guests very meticulously...Not all of our family friends adhered to the vegan diet my family preferred...
As I arrived to the shower, and walked into the tent it literally took my breath away, it was absolutely beautiful, Jake was at my side, in his button down and tie (his only tie, by the way) Alice had bought me a designer maternity dress just for the occasion, that I found hanging in my closet wrapped in a garment bag this morning, it was a deep shade of blue, she had told me how much she felt the color complimented my skin and eyes...

"She really overdoes these things, doesn't she" Jake said shaking his head in awe.
"Yeah, but I love her anyway." I said, just as Alice came up wrapping me in a hug.
"As I love you, Renesmee. So you really like it?" she said smiling, she would've had tears in her eyes if it were possible, no doubt.
"Of course, it's beautiful.. I can't wait till everyone gets here, they'll be amazed.." I said.
"Well lets take you to your throne, my Dear" she said giggling.
"How about you point me to the food" Jake said, rubbing his stomach "I'm starving."
"Ugh, is that all you ever think about? Your appetite, honestly are you even supposed to be here, showers are for women you know," she said shooting him a glare.

"Well, the pack from La Push are coming, besides when have we ever did anything traditional around here anyway?" he said.
"It's okay, honey I want you here," I said "I couldn't imagine it without you."
He leaned down and kissed me, sticking his tongue out at Alice, just as Rosalie carried a tray of meatballs fresh from the oven right past us,and Jake lost all train of thought, his nose leading him in that direction, all I could do was laugh.
I sat down on my throne, settling in to welcome the array of guests that were on their way, it would be an interesting day to say the least...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

So, what's next Doc?

Over the next week, Jake and I both tried our best to push any negative thoughts to the back of our minds, we wanted to focus on the positive and prepare for the baby the best we could.
Carlisle insisted on seeing me everyday, just to heir on the side of safety. Jake and I were excited to see the baby on the ultrasounds, Carlisle assured us that the baby was healthy, we, well by we I mean Jake, waited to learn the sex of the baby, but apparently he or she had their Father's stubbornness because that wasn't happening. It was okay with me though there should be some surprises left in life, after all things were flying by so quickly, so I was holding onto laying eyes on the baby without any preconceived expectations.... and I was excited!! Jake and I tried to stay busy, but at night, when he was asleep and everything was still, the only sound was the rain on the tin roof of the little red house, I dreamed of the baby on it's way... each time it was different... a boy with a head full of black curls, russet skin, and my brown eyes... or a little girl with bronze hair and skin the color and texture of silk, with Jake's nose... The baby would no doubt be beautiful, or handsome.. hopefully strong like it's Father in every aspect of the word, I mean they would have alot to take in, that's for sure.. I couldn't wait to meet this baby that woke me with their morning stretches, my little "Bump"...

Somewhere throughout the night I drifted off to sleep, and awoke to a light tapping on the door..
"Alice" I groaned with the same displeasure you would give to remembering you had a Dentist appointment, since we had such a short span of time during my pregnancy, Alice had insisted on taking pictures....everyday...
"You'll thank me later" she chirped, and I knew I would but right now it was... well a thorn in my side...
Today was a special visit though because she was planning my baby shower and bringing by the "book" of all the final details to show me...
"Hi!!" she said as I opened the door, kissing me on the cheek, "don't you look beautiful this morning, simply glowing."
She sat down in the chair by the fireplace and opened the book, "So the last detail was the cake, I just need to know what flavor, so we can get the order in today, you know I must say it's rather a nuisance to plan a baby shower for someone without a clue of what they want, or whether they'll like it, it must be so bothersome to event planners.." she said trailing off.
I giggled rolling my eyes, "Oh I imagine" I said lightly sarcastic, "But, I'm sure whatever you plan will be amazing, now as for the cake, hmm"
"Chocolate," Jake yelled from the kitchen.
"Ahh, chocolate it is I suppose." I giggled.
Just then Jake walked into the living room, pecking me on the cheek. "Did you sleep good last night?" he asked.
"Yeah, how about you?" I said.
"Pretty good until about four this morning when you started talking in your sleep, her father's nose.." he said smiling.
"Well let's just hope they don't inherit your smell." Alice said standing up.
"Ha, Ha.. Don't you have a party to plan, Jake said reaching over to muss up Alice's hair, just as she quickly ducked out of his reach giggling.
"Okay then Ness, I guess the next time, I see you you'll be attending the baby shower," she said hopping with excitement, "Until then..."

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Eclipse hit's DvD/Blue Ray December 4th!!!! Is anyone else as excited as I am?????

The Diagnosis...

"What's up Doc?" Jake said, popping his lower lip out on the last word, I could tell he was hurt that I would try to talk to Carlisle without him, but I just loved him so much, and when he hurt I hurt, I didn't want him to worry, that was my reason for trying to talk to Carlisle alone..
But obviously by the look on his face, he was worried, he was hurt, and I had made a huge mistake...
"Well," Carlisle said "It seems things have taken an interesting turn in Renesmee's pregnancy."
"What's wrong?" Jake said, immediately coming to my side and taking my hand in both of his, "Don't sugarcoat it here, Doc" he said his eyes firmly set.
"Let's go have a seat and I'll give you my best assumption," Carlisle said motioning to the chairs in front of his desk.
Jake and I both walked to the seats, Jake had his hand on my lower back and I could feel him slightly trembling, I can't believe I had been so stupid to think that withholding anything from him was a good idea, it was so selfish, and I would have to work hard to make it up to him... but right now there were more pressing matters at hand..
"It seems, as has always been the case with Renesmee, something I foreseen but hoped we wouldn't have to address.."
"Anyday now Doc.." Jake said clearly anxious.
"Well, it seems that the pregnancy is progressing at a faster rate than expected, everything's perfectly normal, the baby is showing no signs of distress, Renesmee seems perfectly healthy, it's as to be expected.... for someone entering their second trimester.." he said.
My jaw dropped and I didn't have to look at Jake to know he looked the same..
"If the pregnancy continues to progress at this rate, we have a little over a month before the baby will be full term, I must say it's quite fascinating, I should've expected it.. I did, and still it's....fascinating."
Now that wasn't something you seen everyday, a Vampire astounded at the unthinkable..
I guess to everyone else this seemed to be alot to take in, it was alot to take in.. I mean don't get me wrong, I was slightly shocked, but this I could deal with. I mean after all, it was the "norm-" for me, things always went a tad bit faster than they should have, so I guess this would be no different, I thought.
I looked at Jake, his mouth still hanging wide open, I gently took his chin turning his face to mine..
"It's gonna be okay Jake, we can deal with this, as long as everybody's healthy that's what's most important, right?" ,he gently shook his head, "We're just gonna have to get ready a little faster than we thought, right?" again he shook his head, geez I thought ,snap out of it already..
I heard a light tap on the door, my Mother and Father were standing in the doorway, they had spoken to Alice outside, and came to check on things. I could tell by my father's face that he had read everyone's thoughts already, he didn't like that I was taking this lightly, that I could tell, he often spoke of how my reactions to things tended to astound him, much like my Mother, he would mumble, as Carlisle began to explain the latest news to my Mother, Jake seemed to start coming around..
He robotically stood up, taking my hand, "Well, I think that's enough for one day, Ness how about we head back home then.."
"Okay," I said, as we passed my Mother she looked worried, not by the latest news, but by Jake's reaction, I gently shrugged my shoulders as we left the room.
When we got out into the fresh air, it seemed to help a bit, he took in several deep breaths, and we stopped out front of the house, I lifted my hand to his throat...are you okay? he shook his head ... this isn't as bad as you think...
"Bad, no Ness I don't think it's bad, I just... you know I thought I had nine months to prepare, I'm just a little nervous.. I mean two and a half months, I just... Do you think I'm ready to be someones Father I mean do you think I'm good enough?" he asked hanging his head..
I thought for a moment, wanting it to be perfect when I explained, I didn't feel like the words could come out the way I wanted them to so I lifted my hand to his throat again, Jake your perfect, your everything, there's no one else better suited, I couldn't imagine a better Father, a better friend....

Malachi 4:6
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers;

I know you and I know your heart, that's all that matters, there's nothing more important, everything else falls into place, whether it's nine months or two, you will be an amazing Father Jacob...
 
He gently shook his head looking into my eyes and softly kissed my lips, cradling my stomach in his hands, and I knew him as well as I knew myself....we were ready...

 
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

                                          Happy Birthday Bella!!!!

The First Month...I thought...

Later that afternoon, when Jake and I were able to pull ourselves out of our room, which I must admit, was no easy task..We went up to visit my family, I still felt really good, but I wanted to privately speak to Carlisle, just to see if my fears this morning were in any way justified.
As we approached the house Alice and Jasper were washing her Ferrari right outside the garage, "Hi, Nessie" Alice said beaming, she danced over and wrapped me in a hug, as she stepped back her eyes were huge with wonder. "Oh my..." she said placing her cold hands on my stomach.
So it was justified then. I was not crazy, Jasper sensing the sudden anxiousness is the air, began to control the climate, but not before noting with his keen vampire sight that he too noticed the significant change.
I reached my hand up to show Alice how I was feeling... worried, and ask where my mother was.."
"She and your father are out hunting," she said "They assumed if you came up to visit today, it wouldn't be until later in the afternoon." she said giggling. Geez, I really had been out of it lately, more than I realized.
Jake and Jasper were talking about the car, Jake drooling actually, and I took that as an opportunity to hopefully talk to Carlisle. While Jasper had Jake's attention occupied, I discreetly lifted my hand to show Alice that I wanted to talk to Carlisle....in private. She knew that Jake would be upset, upset that I was trying to keep anything from him, but I felt it was best because he always worried so much, and maybe there was nothing to worry about..
I casually walked inside, Carlisle and Esme were at the table quietly talking to one another, hand in hand with their heads close together, they both turned as I opened the door. Carlisle, not only being a doctor, with years of experience in all fields, but also a vampire with remarkable senses could tell right away that I had changed, perhaps because he'd been studying me since the day of my birth..
Esme could sense the urgency in my eyes, so without words, we all went up the stairs to our makeshift Doctor's office...
Right away Carlisle began with the usual routine, as he was measuring with his tape, something I found amazing, considering the evolution of medicine, all the technology that we had available to us today, the most reliable form of measuring one's pregnancy was a measuring tape, still it must be appropriate if Carlisle was using it.
He gently took the measurements, a line of worry creasing his forehead, suddenly making him look like a Doctor... yes, in this moment he was absolutely in Dr. mode, with full concentration. Again he took the measurements as if something would change, as if he'd been wrong, if he could've been wrong..
After the third time measuring, he took a step back and drew in a deep breath, placing his hand to his chin, I began to get more nervous, my heart accelerating, and at just that moment Jake walked through the door...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

The First Month...

Over the next few weeks, things went by pretty quickly, Carlisle ran all the expected tests and blood work and everything came back as normal, "Your pregnancy is progressing beautifully, Renesmee, your measuring a little large but, you are carrying Jacob's baby," he said smiling, "I see no cause for alarm just yet, but we'll keep a close eye on things anyway.."
Jake was absolutely beaming with excitement and I was absolutely....exhausted... The nightmares that had plagued me since the wedding, I felt my subconscious trying to let me know what was happening, were gone, and this sleep was pure bliss... I had gathered from the books I'd read on this sort of thing that people were usually tired and would get more energy around the four month mark, Carlisle also noted that my sudden aversion to hunting could be taxing on my energy as well, either way I was counting down the days, the first month flew by in a blur, I felt in a haze during most of the day, and Jake started to question if I had "narcolepsy" at one point, but he was so kind making dinner and straightening things up for me rubbing my shoulders until I would fall into unconsciousness, (fall not slip)  then this morning I woke up with a renewed sense of energy, I felt as good as I had before the pregnancy, before the wedding, before ever..
I rolled over to Jake, he was out like a light, his mouth hanging wide open, snoring...loudly, so I quietly crept into the kitchen to grab a glass of milk, I was standing in the door of the fridge drinking when I felt his arms wrap around my waist, gently cradling around my stomach... around my stomach, I knew I had been out of it, but I hadn't noticed this significant bump yesterday, I turned to Jake as he kissed my forehead,
"Why didn't you wake me, I would've gotten you a glass of milk.." he said tucking the loose curl behind my ear.
"I'm pregnant, not helpless Jake" I said "Hey, do I look like I've put on some weight to you?"
He looked at me for a moment, "You look beautiful Ness, as always.."
"No, seriously.." I said lifting my top, I was wearing one of Jake's t-shirts, and a pair of pajama pants with a robe thrown over top, everything was slightly baggy so it was hard to tell, but I knew, I could tell there was a significant difference, Jake could tell to, I could see it in his eyes, but his resolve to always say the right thing, went against his better judgement.
"Ness, your carrying a baby, my baby.. and you look absolutely beauti-"
"Jake, it's not about my self esteem here, granted I don't know alot about this sort of thing, but you usually don't start "showing" in the first month, from what I've heard anyway, and this" I said pointing at my stomach, "This is showing.."
He looked down smiling, "Maybe there is a slight difference, but have you seen this head, I mean seriously Ness, I must admit I feel a little sorry for you," he said laughing..
I started laughing too, "Yeah, maybe that's all it is, I have rarely seen a head as big as yours, in every sense of the word." I said giggling, cutting him a sly smile.
"Ha, Ha, Ha" he said, but he couldn't help but laugh too. "Well did you want to go lie back down for a little while?" he asked.
"No, actually I'm feeling much better this morning, I think I'm getting a little energy back now.." with this a huge smile spread across his face, while I knew he was extremely excited about the baby, I could tell he'd been a little lonely this month, what with all the sleeping, it would be good to get back to.... normal.
"Do you want to go visit your family this morning?" he asked. I wouldn't mind seeing them...
But I felt good... really good, I slowly leaned forward on my tippy toes, kissing him gently on his lips, his chin, his throat, lightly tracing my lips up to his ear... he let out a low growl and very gently lifted me up in his arms, cradling me to his bare chest, "Are you sure?" he whispered, I gently bit his earlobe... and that was effectively the end of that conversation...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Happy Birthday!!!

                              Happy Birthday!!!!!!
Today is Renesmee's Birthday  and Monday is Bella's Birthday!!!

           What will you do to Celebrate?

Celebration...

Well, our plan was to pass around the scrapbook of photos I had made for Jake, complete with our newest photograph...
We had invited everyone over to my families home for dinner, Charlie and Sue, Leah and Seth, Sam and Emily, their precious daughter Mia, Jake's Father Billy, and the rest of the pack from La Push, I felt like it would be best to get it all out there at one time...My parents felt differently...
Alice had the house decorated, impeccably, we had reused the twinkling lights lighting the pathway, Esme had prepared a six course meal, and Rosalie had a beautiful table setting out complete with candles...
My Mother and Father were incredibly nervous that we chose to break the news in this fashion, they were worried what the pack would think, they felt like werewolves could be incredibly unstable, and they were unsure that this would go over as well as we hoped...
My Mother was most concerned with Charlie, she thought he might have a heart attack, she warned me that he wasn't getting any younger and we should take it as easy as possible with him...
Our guests started arriving at around seven, Charlie and Sue first, although Charlie had watched me grow at an insanely fast rate, and he knew I was different he never asked to many questions and seemed to be content with just being a part of my life, "Ahh, my sweet Nessie, your practically glowing this afternoon," he said hugging me as he came in the door, Sue was still close to his side, no matter how many years she'd been coming here with Charlie she never was quite comfortable, she seemed to get along with me best, though she knew I was....different. My father said it was my charm, and he secretly hoped that my charm would help everyone warm up to the whole baby idea faster than he hoped...
Seth and Leah followed in behind them, Leah forced a smile, for Jake's sake and stalked past us with her arms tightly folded, but Seth could barely wait to get in the door, he had always been the most understanding of my family, he had grown the closest to them, by far. As Leah walked through the door, he entered and scooped me into a huge hug, "Nessie, how are you?  It's really been to long, you look beautiful tonight.." he said smiling..
"It's great to see you too Seth," I said, giggling Seth and I had always been close, but this had reached a new level of enthusiasm even for him, Jake eyed him with speculation a huge grin on his face.
"Okay Seth take it down a notch you little Punk." he said.
"Sorry Jake, I just haven't seen you guys since the wedding and I really missed you, and you Ness you look beautiful, your simply glowing this afternoon..." he said smiling again. Jake wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Seth, go on in and find a seat" Jake said in his most Alpha voice, all I could do was giggle.
The rest of the guests slowly filed in, Jake and I greeted everyone, and took a deep breath, this could be a very interesting night to say the least, Jake hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, whispering in my ear "Are you ready?" he leaned back smiling, as I nodded my head, "Ready as I'll ever be I guess..." we turned the corner to face our family....
Carlisle welcomed everyone to his home, as Esme brought out the first course. Jake and I thanked everyone for coming and Jake brought out "the Book".
"Hey, is that more wedding pictures?" Charlie said, taking the book from Jake.
"There's a few in there Jake said, Nessie made that for me it was kinda a wedding gift, I thought we could pass it around tonight, take some time to.... catch up" he said. My Father was eyeing him doubtfully he didn't think this was a very good idea, and he made no qualms about sharing his dismay....
Charlie sat eagerly flipping through the photos, Sue was oohing and ahhing over his shoulder, and then it was clear they had made it to the final photo, because they both froze, I don't even think they were breathing, Charlie's lower lip slightly quivered and he looked up with a blank stare, it took a full minute, and then in the soft candlelight you could see a glimmer of a tear spill down his cheek, I felt horrible, I didn't know he would take it quite like this, and I never wanted to make him sad, everybody had been nonchalantly talking, but without an announcement they all turned to Charlie, he stood up laying the open book on the table. Jake stood with him, putting himself between Charlie and I, I looked at my Father to get any indication of what Charlie was thinking but his face portrayed no emotion, Charlie took a deep breath and a step towards Jake... wrapping his arms around Jake in a huge hug, "Congratulations..." he said smiling. He took a step around Jacob, and gently hugged me, taking a step back he wiped a tear from my cheek, I hadn't even realized I was crying, "I never thought I'd live to see a Grandchild, much less a Great-Grandchild, I knew you had that glow about you tonight," he said smiling and hugging me again...
I exhaled loudly without even realizing I'd been holding my breath, "Jake I've always considered you a like a son, and I couldn't be happier for you guys, so here's a toast" he said raising his glass, everyone followed his lead, including my father, "May Jake and Renesmee have a healthy child, and may he or she look just like it's Mother." Everyone started to laugh, and the tension was lifted like a cloud of fog, drifting away on a spring morning.
At that the book was being passed around the table, and everyone was throwing in their Congratulations, this had went much better than I'd anticipated, I was worried that the pack might take it the wrong way, much as they had my own birth, fear of the unknown, but Jake explained that with my being his imprint, and the pack having a window into his every thought, when he wanted them to... they had felt the emotion he had for me, and they couldn't deny our happiness, they would be there... we were family. Leah was the only one who didn't say a word, but Seth made up for both of them in enthusiasm, "I can't believe were going to have another baby around here, I'm sooo happy for you guys!" he hugged me, "Nessie, your gonna be a wonderful Mother, let's hope the baby takes after you and not ole Jake here," he said playfully punching Jacob as he rolled his eyes.
They all stayed longer than usual, and the shift that I felt on our wedding day, the two families becoming one seemed to really be solidified that night, I couldn't have been happier...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen