My Other Half.... Jacob's Point of View

I watched as a sharp pain brought her to her knees, all I could think was "Noooo, not her anybody but her" it took everything I had in me to not let the pain take over, the anger, the sadness I was inches away from turning into a werewolf, and if I wanted to be able to help Ness, I had to keep it under control...
Still, I screamed in my mind, thought about the way she fell, what she looked like now, passed out cold on the ground, I screamed it as loud as I could, knowing that her Father would hear me.
A millisecond later he came running with Bella, the expression on her face was unlike any pain I'd ever seen her in, I'd seen her when he left, seen her thinking that her life was over, her other half was missing, this was nothing compared to that.... And I had caused this pain, this time it was my fault, when I swore I'd never hurt her I meant it, she was my best friend, and this time all the blame lay on my shoulders, but still I knew that my face portrayed the same emotion as hers, all the while Edward was glaring at me as if he could kill me in a split second..
Edward quickly assessed the situation and gently picked up Renesmee starting towards the big house, I had never felt so helpless in my life, I could've easily picked her up and carried her back to the house myself, but I couldn't, I was paralyzed by fear, fear of losing her...losing my other half, could you live with half a heart?
The answer was no, even if it were possible, there's no way I could live without Renesmee, if anything happened to her, especially at the will of my own hands, I would beat my last breath as well, that I would make sure of...
"You wouldn't be the only one, Dog" ,Edward mumbled.
I just hung my head in shame, as we walked into the house and Edward carried her upstairs, Carlisle was waiting in his office. He got to work immediately, trying to check every inch of her body, was their anything he could do? He checked her vital signs, she was breathing that was good. But what had happened? She had always been strong, could this be too much for her, who knew what strength the child of a half werewolf, half vampire-hybrid held? That was the fear all along, the fear of the unknown..
"Well," Carlisle spoke, ending the deafening silence in the room, no one had even been breathing, "after hooking her up to the monitors, it seems that she is in labor, and due to the strength of her own muscles the contractions caused her so much pain that her body quickly shut down to protect itself."
With that I winced, almost falling to my knees, what had I done to her? The woman I love was in more pain than she could comprehend and it was all of my doing...
Carlisle started an IV to give her some pain medicine, and we all waited for her to come back around, I wondered what the next day would hold, would I meet my child, that I was immensely thankful for, but would it be at the expense of losing my wife.... that I couldn't handle, I began to pray, and this verse washed over me...

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
      do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
                                          Isaiah 41:10

...Jacob

Jacob's POV

Due to the impending birth of their first child and unexpected events, Jacob will be taking over the journal to allow Renesmee to get some rest..... hope you like it :)

The Perfect Day...

I sat anxiously awaiting the arrival of the first guests, my Grandpa Charlie and Sue, the pack from La Push,  and my Grandmother Renee were coming by first..
It was amazing the onset the last ten years had brought, Charlie who had spent the majority of his adult life a workaholic, passing endless hours at the county jail, to stave off the lonely nights, always wondering what he could've done to prevent my Grandmother Renee from leaving....Finally came to the realization, that he gave all he could give, he loved my Mother with his whole heart, and now he was able to give some of that loveto Sue, have a granddaughter, and soon a great grandchild, it was all he could've ever asked for... a family, and he was so happy to be at the shower today...
The pack from La Push, once mortal enemies to my family, were here today, in perfect ease, in loving support of Jake and his imprint, their family, that was one of the most amazing revelations that our love had brought together, and 10 years after awaiting my birth, thinking it would set forth a war between our two families, now they awaited the birth of our child in unison with my family, and Billy was spilling over with joy at the thought of having a grandchild and according to my Father hoped it would look like me, I smiled at that thought, I felt truly blessed to have two fathers...
My Grandmother Renee was in from Florida, it took several years after my birth for my Mother to be able to work up the nerve to introduce the two of us. I appeared to be eight or nine when we met, yet I was no where near that age, and I can remember the look in her eyes, when my Mother introduced me as the newest member of the Cullen family, and adoptee of Carlisle and Esme, my Mother had often spoke of her intuitiveness, the way she very quickly read people, I saw her expression as her eyes met mine... my eyes, my Mother's eyes, she knew right away... yet she could've cared less, she loved me as if we'd met on day one, and though she never referred to me as her granddaughter, abiding by the unspoken rule that the "public" story was the most important, she loved me just the same, and I loved her, and she couldn't wait to meet our child, she rarely traveled to Forks, but she wouldn't have missed today for the world...
We sat talking, catching up, wagering on whether or not it would be a boy or a girl, to anyone from the outside it would've appeared to be a normal baby shower, and in many ways it was, no one could doubt the love and excitement for the impending birth in this room, this child would be surrounded by so many different kinds of love, I..we were truly blessed...
And not long after the first round of guests departed for the day, the second set came in from all parts of the world..
We had to be very careful whom we invited from this part of  "our world", there was a stigma attached to our family, even in this life of surreal fantasy. We went against the grain, against our basic instincts, and while I found it noble not everyone agreed with that. And, because of this we were not on everyone's favorite list, the most important being the Volturi, so we had to be very careful who we shared our blessed news with, because not everyone found it a blessing...
Because of that fact we invited the Denali's with great trepidation on my Mother's part because she felt they were truly the weakest link, still they had shown up very graciously, with nothing but well wishes, I was happy to see them, and was hopeful for nothing but a peaceful future, I wanted to always see the best in everyone, and I would always be grateful for them standing beside my family on my behalf...
The nomads all came to visit, Mary, Peter and Charlotte. Our Egyptian friends Benjamin, and Tia. All seemed excited and bringing well wishes for our health, as I've said before I felt we would always be connected due to the great battle we faced on my behalf, I would forever be grateful...
Nahuel sent a very beautiful card

"I wish you nothing but the best on the impending birth of your child, I hope your all in great health and spirits, and I will be thinking of you during this important time of your life..
                                                                       with love my Dear Renesmee, Nahuel

... to which Jacob, rolled  his eyes, I felt as though that was a fair response and let it go at that...
And last but certainly not least was my dear friend Zafrina, who visited with well wishes and filled my mind with images of chubby babies in fields of flowers, I smiled and wished that she would've been able to stay for the birth, that could've been a nice distraction from the task at hand, but that was obviously not an option...
We rounded out the night with well wishes from everyone as they departed, and Jake and I made our way back to the little red house, it had been such a long day, and I was absolutely exhausted, but it couldn't have gone any better. I was so happy and amazed that everything had went so beautifully and Jake looked absolutely content in the moonlight tonight... Today was...perfect, and then a pain shot through me that literally dropped me to my knees...the last vision that went through my mind was Jake's panicked expression.

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

The Shower...

I woke up to the sun shining brightly through the patio doors in our bedroom, it was a bright sunny day, and I could hear the birds chirping outside... this would make the average person cheerful, not that I wasn't happy, today was the baby shower I'd been anxiously awaiting, but I actually preferred the rain, it was soothing... it was all I'd ever known, due to my families "genealogy" it was essential to living an everyday life.
But the sunny weather would be a perfect backdrop to the shower none the less, Alice had covered the backyard with a huge white tent, filled with twinkly lights, and beautiful arrangements on the tables, more suitable for a wedding, absolutely beautiful, ostentatious without a doubt, completely overdone, soo Alice.. I thought smiling.

But she no doubt did it out of pure love, and I was very excited.. it would be a mid afternoon "floating" shower, and I use that in the most lenient of terms, because due to the guest list, by tonight it would feel like several small parties in one. We had to plan the arrival of our guests very meticulously...Not all of our family friends adhered to the vegan diet my family preferred...
As I arrived to the shower, and walked into the tent it literally took my breath away, it was absolutely beautiful, Jake was at my side, in his button down and tie (his only tie, by the way) Alice had bought me a designer maternity dress just for the occasion, that I found hanging in my closet wrapped in a garment bag this morning, it was a deep shade of blue, she had told me how much she felt the color complimented my skin and eyes...

"She really overdoes these things, doesn't she" Jake said shaking his head in awe.
"Yeah, but I love her anyway." I said, just as Alice came up wrapping me in a hug.
"As I love you, Renesmee. So you really like it?" she said smiling, she would've had tears in her eyes if it were possible, no doubt.
"Of course, it's beautiful.. I can't wait till everyone gets here, they'll be amazed.." I said.
"Well lets take you to your throne, my Dear" she said giggling.
"How about you point me to the food" Jake said, rubbing his stomach "I'm starving."
"Ugh, is that all you ever think about? Your appetite, honestly are you even supposed to be here, showers are for women you know," she said shooting him a glare.

"Well, the pack from La Push are coming, besides when have we ever did anything traditional around here anyway?" he said.
"It's okay, honey I want you here," I said "I couldn't imagine it without you."
He leaned down and kissed me, sticking his tongue out at Alice, just as Rosalie carried a tray of meatballs fresh from the oven right past us,and Jake lost all train of thought, his nose leading him in that direction, all I could do was laugh.
I sat down on my throne, settling in to welcome the array of guests that were on their way, it would be an interesting day to say the least...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

So, what's next Doc?

Over the next week, Jake and I both tried our best to push any negative thoughts to the back of our minds, we wanted to focus on the positive and prepare for the baby the best we could.
Carlisle insisted on seeing me everyday, just to heir on the side of safety. Jake and I were excited to see the baby on the ultrasounds, Carlisle assured us that the baby was healthy, we, well by we I mean Jake, waited to learn the sex of the baby, but apparently he or she had their Father's stubbornness because that wasn't happening. It was okay with me though there should be some surprises left in life, after all things were flying by so quickly, so I was holding onto laying eyes on the baby without any preconceived expectations.... and I was excited!! Jake and I tried to stay busy, but at night, when he was asleep and everything was still, the only sound was the rain on the tin roof of the little red house, I dreamed of the baby on it's way... each time it was different... a boy with a head full of black curls, russet skin, and my brown eyes... or a little girl with bronze hair and skin the color and texture of silk, with Jake's nose... The baby would no doubt be beautiful, or handsome.. hopefully strong like it's Father in every aspect of the word, I mean they would have alot to take in, that's for sure.. I couldn't wait to meet this baby that woke me with their morning stretches, my little "Bump"...

Somewhere throughout the night I drifted off to sleep, and awoke to a light tapping on the door..
"Alice" I groaned with the same displeasure you would give to remembering you had a Dentist appointment, since we had such a short span of time during my pregnancy, Alice had insisted on taking pictures....everyday...
"You'll thank me later" she chirped, and I knew I would but right now it was... well a thorn in my side...
Today was a special visit though because she was planning my baby shower and bringing by the "book" of all the final details to show me...
"Hi!!" she said as I opened the door, kissing me on the cheek, "don't you look beautiful this morning, simply glowing."
She sat down in the chair by the fireplace and opened the book, "So the last detail was the cake, I just need to know what flavor, so we can get the order in today, you know I must say it's rather a nuisance to plan a baby shower for someone without a clue of what they want, or whether they'll like it, it must be so bothersome to event planners.." she said trailing off.
I giggled rolling my eyes, "Oh I imagine" I said lightly sarcastic, "But, I'm sure whatever you plan will be amazing, now as for the cake, hmm"
"Chocolate," Jake yelled from the kitchen.
"Ahh, chocolate it is I suppose." I giggled.
Just then Jake walked into the living room, pecking me on the cheek. "Did you sleep good last night?" he asked.
"Yeah, how about you?" I said.
"Pretty good until about four this morning when you started talking in your sleep, her father's nose.." he said smiling.
"Well let's just hope they don't inherit your smell." Alice said standing up.
"Ha, Ha.. Don't you have a party to plan, Jake said reaching over to muss up Alice's hair, just as she quickly ducked out of his reach giggling.
"Okay then Ness, I guess the next time, I see you you'll be attending the baby shower," she said hopping with excitement, "Until then..."

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

Eclipse hit's DvD/Blue Ray December 4th!!!! Is anyone else as excited as I am?????

The Diagnosis...

"What's up Doc?" Jake said, popping his lower lip out on the last word, I could tell he was hurt that I would try to talk to Carlisle without him, but I just loved him so much, and when he hurt I hurt, I didn't want him to worry, that was my reason for trying to talk to Carlisle alone..
But obviously by the look on his face, he was worried, he was hurt, and I had made a huge mistake...
"Well," Carlisle said "It seems things have taken an interesting turn in Renesmee's pregnancy."
"What's wrong?" Jake said, immediately coming to my side and taking my hand in both of his, "Don't sugarcoat it here, Doc" he said his eyes firmly set.
"Let's go have a seat and I'll give you my best assumption," Carlisle said motioning to the chairs in front of his desk.
Jake and I both walked to the seats, Jake had his hand on my lower back and I could feel him slightly trembling, I can't believe I had been so stupid to think that withholding anything from him was a good idea, it was so selfish, and I would have to work hard to make it up to him... but right now there were more pressing matters at hand..
"It seems, as has always been the case with Renesmee, something I foreseen but hoped we wouldn't have to address.."
"Anyday now Doc.." Jake said clearly anxious.
"Well, it seems that the pregnancy is progressing at a faster rate than expected, everything's perfectly normal, the baby is showing no signs of distress, Renesmee seems perfectly healthy, it's as to be expected.... for someone entering their second trimester.." he said.
My jaw dropped and I didn't have to look at Jake to know he looked the same..
"If the pregnancy continues to progress at this rate, we have a little over a month before the baby will be full term, I must say it's quite fascinating, I should've expected it.. I did, and still it's....fascinating."
Now that wasn't something you seen everyday, a Vampire astounded at the unthinkable..
I guess to everyone else this seemed to be alot to take in, it was alot to take in.. I mean don't get me wrong, I was slightly shocked, but this I could deal with. I mean after all, it was the "norm-" for me, things always went a tad bit faster than they should have, so I guess this would be no different, I thought.
I looked at Jake, his mouth still hanging wide open, I gently took his chin turning his face to mine..
"It's gonna be okay Jake, we can deal with this, as long as everybody's healthy that's what's most important, right?" ,he gently shook his head, "We're just gonna have to get ready a little faster than we thought, right?" again he shook his head, geez I thought ,snap out of it already..
I heard a light tap on the door, my Mother and Father were standing in the doorway, they had spoken to Alice outside, and came to check on things. I could tell by my father's face that he had read everyone's thoughts already, he didn't like that I was taking this lightly, that I could tell, he often spoke of how my reactions to things tended to astound him, much like my Mother, he would mumble, as Carlisle began to explain the latest news to my Mother, Jake seemed to start coming around..
He robotically stood up, taking my hand, "Well, I think that's enough for one day, Ness how about we head back home then.."
"Okay," I said, as we passed my Mother she looked worried, not by the latest news, but by Jake's reaction, I gently shrugged my shoulders as we left the room.
When we got out into the fresh air, it seemed to help a bit, he took in several deep breaths, and we stopped out front of the house, I lifted my hand to his throat...are you okay? he shook his head ... this isn't as bad as you think...
"Bad, no Ness I don't think it's bad, I just... you know I thought I had nine months to prepare, I'm just a little nervous.. I mean two and a half months, I just... Do you think I'm ready to be someones Father I mean do you think I'm good enough?" he asked hanging his head..
I thought for a moment, wanting it to be perfect when I explained, I didn't feel like the words could come out the way I wanted them to so I lifted my hand to his throat again, Jake your perfect, your everything, there's no one else better suited, I couldn't imagine a better Father, a better friend....

Malachi 4:6
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers;

I know you and I know your heart, that's all that matters, there's nothing more important, everything else falls into place, whether it's nine months or two, you will be an amazing Father Jacob...
 
He gently shook his head looking into my eyes and softly kissed my lips, cradling my stomach in his hands, and I knew him as well as I knew myself....we were ready...

 
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen

                                          Happy Birthday Bella!!!!

The First Month...I thought...

Later that afternoon, when Jake and I were able to pull ourselves out of our room, which I must admit, was no easy task..We went up to visit my family, I still felt really good, but I wanted to privately speak to Carlisle, just to see if my fears this morning were in any way justified.
As we approached the house Alice and Jasper were washing her Ferrari right outside the garage, "Hi, Nessie" Alice said beaming, she danced over and wrapped me in a hug, as she stepped back her eyes were huge with wonder. "Oh my..." she said placing her cold hands on my stomach.
So it was justified then. I was not crazy, Jasper sensing the sudden anxiousness is the air, began to control the climate, but not before noting with his keen vampire sight that he too noticed the significant change.
I reached my hand up to show Alice how I was feeling... worried, and ask where my mother was.."
"She and your father are out hunting," she said "They assumed if you came up to visit today, it wouldn't be until later in the afternoon." she said giggling. Geez, I really had been out of it lately, more than I realized.
Jake and Jasper were talking about the car, Jake drooling actually, and I took that as an opportunity to hopefully talk to Carlisle. While Jasper had Jake's attention occupied, I discreetly lifted my hand to show Alice that I wanted to talk to Carlisle....in private. She knew that Jake would be upset, upset that I was trying to keep anything from him, but I felt it was best because he always worried so much, and maybe there was nothing to worry about..
I casually walked inside, Carlisle and Esme were at the table quietly talking to one another, hand in hand with their heads close together, they both turned as I opened the door. Carlisle, not only being a doctor, with years of experience in all fields, but also a vampire with remarkable senses could tell right away that I had changed, perhaps because he'd been studying me since the day of my birth..
Esme could sense the urgency in my eyes, so without words, we all went up the stairs to our makeshift Doctor's office...
Right away Carlisle began with the usual routine, as he was measuring with his tape, something I found amazing, considering the evolution of medicine, all the technology that we had available to us today, the most reliable form of measuring one's pregnancy was a measuring tape, still it must be appropriate if Carlisle was using it.
He gently took the measurements, a line of worry creasing his forehead, suddenly making him look like a Doctor... yes, in this moment he was absolutely in Dr. mode, with full concentration. Again he took the measurements as if something would change, as if he'd been wrong, if he could've been wrong..
After the third time measuring, he took a step back and drew in a deep breath, placing his hand to his chin, I began to get more nervous, my heart accelerating, and at just that moment Jake walked through the door...

As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen