Over the next few weeks, things went by pretty quickly, Carlisle ran all the expected tests and blood work and everything came back as normal, "Your pregnancy is progressing beautifully, Renesmee, your measuring a little large but, you are carrying Jacob's baby," he said smiling, "I see no cause for alarm just yet, but we'll keep a close eye on things anyway.."
Jake was absolutely beaming with excitement and I was absolutely....exhausted... The nightmares that had plagued me since the wedding, I felt my subconscious trying to let me know what was happening, were gone, and this sleep was pure bliss... I had gathered from the books I'd read on this sort of thing that people were usually tired and would get more energy around the four month mark, Carlisle also noted that my sudden aversion to hunting could be taxing on my energy as well, either way I was counting down the days, the first month flew by in a blur, I felt in a haze during most of the day, and Jake started to question if I had "narcolepsy" at one point, but he was so kind making dinner and straightening things up for me rubbing my shoulders until I would fall into unconsciousness, (fall not slip) then this morning I woke up with a renewed sense of energy, I felt as good as I had before the pregnancy, before the wedding, before ever..
I rolled over to Jake, he was out like a light, his mouth hanging wide open, snoring...loudly, so I quietly crept into the kitchen to grab a glass of milk, I was standing in the door of the fridge drinking when I felt his arms wrap around my waist, gently cradling around my stomach... around my stomach, I knew I had been out of it, but I hadn't noticed this significant bump yesterday, I turned to Jake as he kissed my forehead,
"Why didn't you wake me, I would've gotten you a glass of milk.." he said tucking the loose curl behind my ear.
"I'm pregnant, not helpless Jake" I said "Hey, do I look like I've put on some weight to you?"
He looked at me for a moment, "You look beautiful Ness, as always.."
"No, seriously.." I said lifting my top, I was wearing one of Jake's t-shirts, and a pair of pajama pants with a robe thrown over top, everything was slightly baggy so it was hard to tell, but I knew, I could tell there was a significant difference, Jake could tell to, I could see it in his eyes, but his resolve to always say the right thing, went against his better judgement.
"Ness, your carrying a baby, my baby.. and you look absolutely beauti-"
"Jake, it's not about my self esteem here, granted I don't know alot about this sort of thing, but you usually don't start "showing" in the first month, from what I've heard anyway, and this" I said pointing at my stomach, "This is showing.."
He looked down smiling, "Maybe there is a slight difference, but have you seen this head, I mean seriously Ness, I must admit I feel a little sorry for you," he said laughing..
I started laughing too, "Yeah, maybe that's all it is, I have rarely seen a head as big as yours, in every sense of the word." I said giggling, cutting him a sly smile.
"Ha, Ha, Ha" he said, but he couldn't help but laugh too. "Well did you want to go lie back down for a little while?" he asked.
"No, actually I'm feeling much better this morning, I think I'm getting a little energy back now.." with this a huge smile spread across his face, while I knew he was extremely excited about the baby, I could tell he'd been a little lonely this month, what with all the sleeping, it would be good to get back to.... normal.
"Do you want to go visit your family this morning?" he asked. I wouldn't mind seeing them...
But I felt good... really good, I slowly leaned forward on my tippy toes, kissing him gently on his lips, his chin, his throat, lightly tracing my lips up to his ear... he let out a low growl and very gently lifted me up in his arms, cradling me to his bare chest, "Are you sure?" he whispered, I gently bit his earlobe... and that was effectively the end of that conversation...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy Birthday!!!!!!
Today is Renesmee's Birthday and Monday is Bella's Birthday!!!
What will you do to Celebrate?
Today is Renesmee's Birthday and Monday is Bella's Birthday!!!
Celebration...
Well, our plan was to pass around the scrapbook of photos I had made for Jake, complete with our newest photograph...
We had invited everyone over to my families home for dinner, Charlie and Sue, Leah and Seth, Sam and Emily, their precious daughter Mia, Jake's Father Billy, and the rest of the pack from La Push, I felt like it would be best to get it all out there at one time...My parents felt differently...
Alice had the house decorated, impeccably, we had reused the twinkling lights lighting the pathway, Esme had prepared a six course meal, and Rosalie had a beautiful table setting out complete with candles...
My Mother and Father were incredibly nervous that we chose to break the news in this fashion, they were worried what the pack would think, they felt like werewolves could be incredibly unstable, and they were unsure that this would go over as well as we hoped...
My Mother was most concerned with Charlie, she thought he might have a heart attack, she warned me that he wasn't getting any younger and we should take it as easy as possible with him...
Our guests started arriving at around seven, Charlie and Sue first, although Charlie had watched me grow at an insanely fast rate, and he knew I was different he never asked to many questions and seemed to be content with just being a part of my life, "Ahh, my sweet Nessie, your practically glowing this afternoon," he said hugging me as he came in the door, Sue was still close to his side, no matter how many years she'd been coming here with Charlie she never was quite comfortable, she seemed to get along with me best, though she knew I was....different. My father said it was my charm, and he secretly hoped that my charm would help everyone warm up to the whole baby idea faster than he hoped...
Seth and Leah followed in behind them, Leah forced a smile, for Jake's sake and stalked past us with her arms tightly folded, but Seth could barely wait to get in the door, he had always been the most understanding of my family, he had grown the closest to them, by far. As Leah walked through the door, he entered and scooped me into a huge hug, "Nessie, how are you? It's really been to long, you look beautiful tonight.." he said smiling..
"It's great to see you too Seth," I said, giggling Seth and I had always been close, but this had reached a new level of enthusiasm even for him, Jake eyed him with speculation a huge grin on his face.
"Okay Seth take it down a notch you little Punk." he said.
"Sorry Jake, I just haven't seen you guys since the wedding and I really missed you, and you Ness you look beautiful, your simply glowing this afternoon..." he said smiling again. Jake wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Seth, go on in and find a seat" Jake said in his most Alpha voice, all I could do was giggle.
The rest of the guests slowly filed in, Jake and I greeted everyone, and took a deep breath, this could be a very interesting night to say the least, Jake hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, whispering in my ear "Are you ready?" he leaned back smiling, as I nodded my head, "Ready as I'll ever be I guess..." we turned the corner to face our family....
Carlisle welcomed everyone to his home, as Esme brought out the first course. Jake and I thanked everyone for coming and Jake brought out "the Book".
"Hey, is that more wedding pictures?" Charlie said, taking the book from Jake.
"There's a few in there Jake said, Nessie made that for me it was kinda a wedding gift, I thought we could pass it around tonight, take some time to.... catch up" he said. My Father was eyeing him doubtfully he didn't think this was a very good idea, and he made no qualms about sharing his dismay....
Charlie sat eagerly flipping through the photos, Sue was oohing and ahhing over his shoulder, and then it was clear they had made it to the final photo, because they both froze, I don't even think they were breathing, Charlie's lower lip slightly quivered and he looked up with a blank stare, it took a full minute, and then in the soft candlelight you could see a glimmer of a tear spill down his cheek, I felt horrible, I didn't know he would take it quite like this, and I never wanted to make him sad, everybody had been nonchalantly talking, but without an announcement they all turned to Charlie, he stood up laying the open book on the table. Jake stood with him, putting himself between Charlie and I, I looked at my Father to get any indication of what Charlie was thinking but his face portrayed no emotion, Charlie took a deep breath and a step towards Jake... wrapping his arms around Jake in a huge hug, "Congratulations..." he said smiling. He took a step around Jacob, and gently hugged me, taking a step back he wiped a tear from my cheek, I hadn't even realized I was crying, "I never thought I'd live to see a Grandchild, much less a Great-Grandchild, I knew you had that glow about you tonight," he said smiling and hugging me again...
I exhaled loudly without even realizing I'd been holding my breath, "Jake I've always considered you a like a son, and I couldn't be happier for you guys, so here's a toast" he said raising his glass, everyone followed his lead, including my father, "May Jake and Renesmee have a healthy child, and may he or she look just like it's Mother." Everyone started to laugh, and the tension was lifted like a cloud of fog, drifting away on a spring morning.
At that the book was being passed around the table, and everyone was throwing in their Congratulations, this had went much better than I'd anticipated, I was worried that the pack might take it the wrong way, much as they had my own birth, fear of the unknown, but Jake explained that with my being his imprint, and the pack having a window into his every thought, when he wanted them to... they had felt the emotion he had for me, and they couldn't deny our happiness, they would be there... we were family. Leah was the only one who didn't say a word, but Seth made up for both of them in enthusiasm, "I can't believe were going to have another baby around here, I'm sooo happy for you guys!" he hugged me, "Nessie, your gonna be a wonderful Mother, let's hope the baby takes after you and not ole Jake here," he said playfully punching Jacob as he rolled his eyes.
They all stayed longer than usual, and the shift that I felt on our wedding day, the two families becoming one seemed to really be solidified that night, I couldn't have been happier...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
We had invited everyone over to my families home for dinner, Charlie and Sue, Leah and Seth, Sam and Emily, their precious daughter Mia, Jake's Father Billy, and the rest of the pack from La Push, I felt like it would be best to get it all out there at one time...My parents felt differently...
Alice had the house decorated, impeccably, we had reused the twinkling lights lighting the pathway, Esme had prepared a six course meal, and Rosalie had a beautiful table setting out complete with candles...
My Mother and Father were incredibly nervous that we chose to break the news in this fashion, they were worried what the pack would think, they felt like werewolves could be incredibly unstable, and they were unsure that this would go over as well as we hoped...
My Mother was most concerned with Charlie, she thought he might have a heart attack, she warned me that he wasn't getting any younger and we should take it as easy as possible with him...
Our guests started arriving at around seven, Charlie and Sue first, although Charlie had watched me grow at an insanely fast rate, and he knew I was different he never asked to many questions and seemed to be content with just being a part of my life, "Ahh, my sweet Nessie, your practically glowing this afternoon," he said hugging me as he came in the door, Sue was still close to his side, no matter how many years she'd been coming here with Charlie she never was quite comfortable, she seemed to get along with me best, though she knew I was....different. My father said it was my charm, and he secretly hoped that my charm would help everyone warm up to the whole baby idea faster than he hoped...
Seth and Leah followed in behind them, Leah forced a smile, for Jake's sake and stalked past us with her arms tightly folded, but Seth could barely wait to get in the door, he had always been the most understanding of my family, he had grown the closest to them, by far. As Leah walked through the door, he entered and scooped me into a huge hug, "Nessie, how are you? It's really been to long, you look beautiful tonight.." he said smiling..
"It's great to see you too Seth," I said, giggling Seth and I had always been close, but this had reached a new level of enthusiasm even for him, Jake eyed him with speculation a huge grin on his face.
"Okay Seth take it down a notch you little Punk." he said.
"Sorry Jake, I just haven't seen you guys since the wedding and I really missed you, and you Ness you look beautiful, your simply glowing this afternoon..." he said smiling again. Jake wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Seth, go on in and find a seat" Jake said in his most Alpha voice, all I could do was giggle.
The rest of the guests slowly filed in, Jake and I greeted everyone, and took a deep breath, this could be a very interesting night to say the least, Jake hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, whispering in my ear "Are you ready?" he leaned back smiling, as I nodded my head, "Ready as I'll ever be I guess..." we turned the corner to face our family....
Carlisle welcomed everyone to his home, as Esme brought out the first course. Jake and I thanked everyone for coming and Jake brought out "the Book".
"Hey, is that more wedding pictures?" Charlie said, taking the book from Jake.
"There's a few in there Jake said, Nessie made that for me it was kinda a wedding gift, I thought we could pass it around tonight, take some time to.... catch up" he said. My Father was eyeing him doubtfully he didn't think this was a very good idea, and he made no qualms about sharing his dismay....
Charlie sat eagerly flipping through the photos, Sue was oohing and ahhing over his shoulder, and then it was clear they had made it to the final photo, because they both froze, I don't even think they were breathing, Charlie's lower lip slightly quivered and he looked up with a blank stare, it took a full minute, and then in the soft candlelight you could see a glimmer of a tear spill down his cheek, I felt horrible, I didn't know he would take it quite like this, and I never wanted to make him sad, everybody had been nonchalantly talking, but without an announcement they all turned to Charlie, he stood up laying the open book on the table. Jake stood with him, putting himself between Charlie and I, I looked at my Father to get any indication of what Charlie was thinking but his face portrayed no emotion, Charlie took a deep breath and a step towards Jake... wrapping his arms around Jake in a huge hug, "Congratulations..." he said smiling. He took a step around Jacob, and gently hugged me, taking a step back he wiped a tear from my cheek, I hadn't even realized I was crying, "I never thought I'd live to see a Grandchild, much less a Great-Grandchild, I knew you had that glow about you tonight," he said smiling and hugging me again...
I exhaled loudly without even realizing I'd been holding my breath, "Jake I've always considered you a like a son, and I couldn't be happier for you guys, so here's a toast" he said raising his glass, everyone followed his lead, including my father, "May Jake and Renesmee have a healthy child, and may he or she look just like it's Mother." Everyone started to laugh, and the tension was lifted like a cloud of fog, drifting away on a spring morning.
At that the book was being passed around the table, and everyone was throwing in their Congratulations, this had went much better than I'd anticipated, I was worried that the pack might take it the wrong way, much as they had my own birth, fear of the unknown, but Jake explained that with my being his imprint, and the pack having a window into his every thought, when he wanted them to... they had felt the emotion he had for me, and they couldn't deny our happiness, they would be there... we were family. Leah was the only one who didn't say a word, but Seth made up for both of them in enthusiasm, "I can't believe were going to have another baby around here, I'm sooo happy for you guys!" he hugged me, "Nessie, your gonna be a wonderful Mother, let's hope the baby takes after you and not ole Jake here," he said playfully punching Jacob as he rolled his eyes.
They all stayed longer than usual, and the shift that I felt on our wedding day, the two families becoming one seemed to really be solidified that night, I couldn't have been happier...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The First Visit...
My Father heard our thoughts as we were approaching and met us at the back door, holding it open for us as we approached..
"And how are you this fine morning, my Darling Renesmee?" ,he said kissing me on the forehead.
"I'm better Dad, how are you?" ,I asked looking him in the eyes.
"I'll be better after this little visit is over, and all is well." ,he said eyeing Jake with a look that was none to friendly.. "Dad....." I said with my thoughts, and he rolled his eyes at me and placed his hand on my back leading me to the couch. Esme was sitting in the armchair reading an interior design magazine, she smiled.
"Carlisle will be down any moment Renesmee." ,he said.
"Where is everyone?" ,I said.
Just then my Mother came in from the kitchen, " Alice and Jasper are hunting, and I think Emmett and Rosalie are in their room. We came up so your Father could play the piano... it helps relieve his tension.." ,she said eyeing Jacob.
I was relieved for more reason than one when Carlisle came down the stairs just then, "Ahh, Renesmee, how are you this morning?" ,he said sounding more like a Doctor than normal, a certain gleam in his eye...
while he was nervous for me as his "Granddaughter" the Doctor in him couldn't resist a challenge, the chance to take on something new or unexpected, there was nothing he enjoyed more than fixing the unfixable, he would be learning every step of the way through this pregnancy, and he couldn't hide his excitement..
"I'm doing good, just ready to get started." , I said smiling.
"Well, why don't you and Jake follow me upstairs, I have my office all set up for you," ,I started to stand just as I heard the catch in my Mother's breathing...
I looked at Jake and he subtly shook his head yes..."Mom, do you want to come along?" ,I said "You know just this once..." Truth be known I wanted her there as much as she wanted to be there..
"Well, if it's alright with you", she said, a gleam in her eye, as she quickly followed behind..
We went up the stairs and turned the corner into Carlisle's office.... had it only been a few hours since we discovered that I was pregnant? Surely not, because Carlisle's office was unrecognizable, the desk that had once been the main focus of the room was gone, replaced with a hospital type bed, complete with stirrups, ughh... there was a bright light overhead, where once it was lit with soft reading lamps, and a very professional ultrasound machine in the corner, in eyeing that both of our hearts accelerated and Jake and I looked at each other and started smiling...
Obviously Carlisle knew my family history, he knew everything about me...almost, he had been chronicling my life since the day I was born, but with all the insight he had gained he still didn't know what was to be expected over the next nine months.... we thought nine months...
He checked all my vital signs, blood pressure, weight, and then we went onto the test we'd all been waiting for, the ultrasound...
I laid back on the bed, gently lifting up my shirt, while Carlisle and my Mother turned to the machine Jake gingerly laid his hand across my stomach, Carlisle flipped the switch and the machine groaned to life...
"It'll just take it a minute to get warmed up here," ,he said, squeezing gel onto my stomach..."Okay, then are you ready to get started?" ,he said very professionally.
Jake and I both shook our heads as Carlisle gently placed the wand to my stomach, slightly turning the volume up on the machine, you could've heard a pin drop... a mile away, when suddenly....
"Thump-bump, thump-bump, thump-bump." Ahh, I started to gently laugh, and Jake's smile brightened up the whole room, my Mother had been biting her lip in anticipation and let out a sigh of relief as Jake playfully punched her on the arm, he leaned down and kissed me and we both turned our faces to the screen, there was a small flickering line on the screen..
"And, that's where the heart is," ,Carlisle said... I could feel the tears spill from my eyes, I looked up at Jake and he was discreetly wiping his face with the pads of his thumbs.
"So, how's everything look Doc?" Jake asked.
"Everything looks just fine Jacob, perfectly normal, we'll just keep a very close watch on things, perform all the standard tests, and take it one day at a time..." Carlisle said. "And this, Renesmee, my Dear, belongs to you, Carlisle said handing me a photo...the photo, the first official photo of our baby...
"And that one's definitely going in the book" Jake said as I handed him the picture...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
"And how are you this fine morning, my Darling Renesmee?" ,he said kissing me on the forehead.
"I'm better Dad, how are you?" ,I asked looking him in the eyes.
"I'll be better after this little visit is over, and all is well." ,he said eyeing Jake with a look that was none to friendly.. "Dad....." I said with my thoughts, and he rolled his eyes at me and placed his hand on my back leading me to the couch. Esme was sitting in the armchair reading an interior design magazine, she smiled.
"Carlisle will be down any moment Renesmee." ,he said.
"Where is everyone?" ,I said.
Just then my Mother came in from the kitchen, " Alice and Jasper are hunting, and I think Emmett and Rosalie are in their room. We came up so your Father could play the piano... it helps relieve his tension.." ,she said eyeing Jacob.
I was relieved for more reason than one when Carlisle came down the stairs just then, "Ahh, Renesmee, how are you this morning?" ,he said sounding more like a Doctor than normal, a certain gleam in his eye...
while he was nervous for me as his "Granddaughter" the Doctor in him couldn't resist a challenge, the chance to take on something new or unexpected, there was nothing he enjoyed more than fixing the unfixable, he would be learning every step of the way through this pregnancy, and he couldn't hide his excitement..
"I'm doing good, just ready to get started." , I said smiling.
"Well, why don't you and Jake follow me upstairs, I have my office all set up for you," ,I started to stand just as I heard the catch in my Mother's breathing...
I looked at Jake and he subtly shook his head yes..."Mom, do you want to come along?" ,I said "You know just this once..." Truth be known I wanted her there as much as she wanted to be there..
"Well, if it's alright with you", she said, a gleam in her eye, as she quickly followed behind..
We went up the stairs and turned the corner into Carlisle's office.... had it only been a few hours since we discovered that I was pregnant? Surely not, because Carlisle's office was unrecognizable, the desk that had once been the main focus of the room was gone, replaced with a hospital type bed, complete with stirrups, ughh... there was a bright light overhead, where once it was lit with soft reading lamps, and a very professional ultrasound machine in the corner, in eyeing that both of our hearts accelerated and Jake and I looked at each other and started smiling...
Obviously Carlisle knew my family history, he knew everything about me...almost, he had been chronicling my life since the day I was born, but with all the insight he had gained he still didn't know what was to be expected over the next nine months.... we thought nine months...
He checked all my vital signs, blood pressure, weight, and then we went onto the test we'd all been waiting for, the ultrasound...
I laid back on the bed, gently lifting up my shirt, while Carlisle and my Mother turned to the machine Jake gingerly laid his hand across my stomach, Carlisle flipped the switch and the machine groaned to life...
"It'll just take it a minute to get warmed up here," ,he said, squeezing gel onto my stomach..."Okay, then are you ready to get started?" ,he said very professionally.
Jake and I both shook our heads as Carlisle gently placed the wand to my stomach, slightly turning the volume up on the machine, you could've heard a pin drop... a mile away, when suddenly....
"Thump-bump, thump-bump, thump-bump." Ahh, I started to gently laugh, and Jake's smile brightened up the whole room, my Mother had been biting her lip in anticipation and let out a sigh of relief as Jake playfully punched her on the arm, he leaned down and kissed me and we both turned our faces to the screen, there was a small flickering line on the screen..
"And, that's where the heart is," ,Carlisle said... I could feel the tears spill from my eyes, I looked up at Jake and he was discreetly wiping his face with the pads of his thumbs.
"So, how's everything look Doc?" Jake asked.
"Everything looks just fine Jacob, perfectly normal, we'll just keep a very close watch on things, perform all the standard tests, and take it one day at a time..." Carlisle said. "And this, Renesmee, my Dear, belongs to you, Carlisle said handing me a photo...the photo, the first official photo of our baby...
"And that one's definitely going in the book" Jake said as I handed him the picture...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Celebration...Almost
We decided to wait to break the news to Billy, the pack and all of Jake's La Push gang until we had an "OB" visit with Carlisle the next day...
But we were both brimming with excitement, and couldn't wait until we could spill the beans...
it's funny because I had planned on going to school this fall, I had planned on taking the time to enjoy just being newlyweds with Jake, I had so many plans I had thought needed to be accomplished before we had children, but a quote comes to mind that I feel like expresses my sentiment exactly...
I was so excited and anxious to see Carlisle the next morning that I barely slept a wink, I was excited to see the baby for the first time, and I was anxious to....see the baby for the first time. I couldn't wait to see this new life growing inside me, but I was worried whether or not everything would be okay..
I think Jake felt the same, because while I hadn't been sleeping well for weeks, he had been sleeping like a baby... every night... But, tonight he was tossing and turning all night... Grumbling and talking in his sleep, growling and tossing his pillow over and over, he always liked the cold side of his pillow, something that I thought was insanely cute... Finally at around 3 am he rolled over to me, I had my eyes closed, thinking but was in no way asleep...
"Ness..."
"Hmm..."
"Are you awake?"
"Yes", I said, opening one eye, he started laughing and kissed my forehead..
"Are you thinking?"
"Yeah, are you?" I said opening both eyes...
"Yeah, I'm just wondering if your really okay, or if your putting up a brave front?"
"No, really Jake I'm okay, as long as our babies okay, I'll be okay.." ,I said smiling and pecking him on the cheek, we intertwined our hands together and he put one of my arms behind my back, wrapping his arm around my waist pulling himself as close as he could to me...
"Ness, I couldn't be more excited to start a family with you, I've dreamed about it since the day you knew you were my imprint... it's all I've ever wanted out of life...." ,he said.
"But..."
"But...", and everything that was written across his face, every doubt swimming through his mind came spilling out, "I can't imagine any greater fear, than waking up....without you here, though the sun would still shine on, the world would keep going, but my whole world would all be gone.... there would be no reason for living, you are my whole world Renesmee..."
I could feel the pain ripple through his whole body, and it broke my heart, because I knew had the situation been reversed I would have felt the same...
"I just feel selfish for putting your life at risk, because I want a family with you, I want it so bad I could taste it, see it, I feel like I could reach right out and touch it, but at what expense? Not you, that's more than I can give..."
Give... I understood him using this word, because I was his to give, and I knew he felt that way, I was his from the day I was born, from the day, his eyes met mine...
I held his head in my arms as he tucked into the hollow of my neck, I laid my hand to his throat to show him everything I'd been thinking and feeling, Jake I know it's going to be okay... I just know, Carlisle's an amazing Doctor and he will take every precaution, I'm strong, and I will be the Mother of your children, I've seen it, I can feel it, I've wanted it just as bad as you.... He looked up into my eyes and he couldn't question that I was being genuine, I think what he feared most was that I wasn't being honest about wanting this and I was just doing it for him, now that he knew the truth, I could tell he felt a little better...
"So, now I'm wondering something else...." ,he said.
"What's that Jake?"
"Do you think it would be rude to show up at someones house at 3 am even if that someone is a vampire and doesn't technically have to sleep?"
"I was just wondering that same thing...." We both hopped up to get dressed and head for our first baby appointment....
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
But we were both brimming with excitement, and couldn't wait until we could spill the beans...
it's funny because I had planned on going to school this fall, I had planned on taking the time to enjoy just being newlyweds with Jake, I had so many plans I had thought needed to be accomplished before we had children, but a quote comes to mind that I feel like expresses my sentiment exactly...
"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of Mother's Love."
I was so excited and anxious to see Carlisle the next morning that I barely slept a wink, I was excited to see the baby for the first time, and I was anxious to....see the baby for the first time. I couldn't wait to see this new life growing inside me, but I was worried whether or not everything would be okay..
I think Jake felt the same, because while I hadn't been sleeping well for weeks, he had been sleeping like a baby... every night... But, tonight he was tossing and turning all night... Grumbling and talking in his sleep, growling and tossing his pillow over and over, he always liked the cold side of his pillow, something that I thought was insanely cute... Finally at around 3 am he rolled over to me, I had my eyes closed, thinking but was in no way asleep...
"Ness..."
"Hmm..."
"Are you awake?"
"Yes", I said, opening one eye, he started laughing and kissed my forehead..
"Are you thinking?"
"Yeah, are you?" I said opening both eyes...
"Yeah, I'm just wondering if your really okay, or if your putting up a brave front?"
"No, really Jake I'm okay, as long as our babies okay, I'll be okay.." ,I said smiling and pecking him on the cheek, we intertwined our hands together and he put one of my arms behind my back, wrapping his arm around my waist pulling himself as close as he could to me...
"Ness, I couldn't be more excited to start a family with you, I've dreamed about it since the day you knew you were my imprint... it's all I've ever wanted out of life...." ,he said.
"But..."
"But...", and everything that was written across his face, every doubt swimming through his mind came spilling out, "I can't imagine any greater fear, than waking up....without you here, though the sun would still shine on, the world would keep going, but my whole world would all be gone.... there would be no reason for living, you are my whole world Renesmee..."
I could feel the pain ripple through his whole body, and it broke my heart, because I knew had the situation been reversed I would have felt the same...
"I just feel selfish for putting your life at risk, because I want a family with you, I want it so bad I could taste it, see it, I feel like I could reach right out and touch it, but at what expense? Not you, that's more than I can give..."
Give... I understood him using this word, because I was his to give, and I knew he felt that way, I was his from the day I was born, from the day, his eyes met mine...
"Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby.The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee." Eclipse
I held his head in my arms as he tucked into the hollow of my neck, I laid my hand to his throat to show him everything I'd been thinking and feeling, Jake I know it's going to be okay... I just know, Carlisle's an amazing Doctor and he will take every precaution, I'm strong, and I will be the Mother of your children, I've seen it, I can feel it, I've wanted it just as bad as you.... He looked up into my eyes and he couldn't question that I was being genuine, I think what he feared most was that I wasn't being honest about wanting this and I was just doing it for him, now that he knew the truth, I could tell he felt a little better...
"So, now I'm wondering something else...." ,he said.
"What's that Jake?"
"Do you think it would be rude to show up at someones house at 3 am even if that someone is a vampire and doesn't technically have to sleep?"
"I was just wondering that same thing...." We both hopped up to get dressed and head for our first baby appointment....
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Well....what now?
There are no rules that can bind you when you find your other half.
Jacob Black, Eclipse, Chapter 5, p.123
When we reached my parents home, my Father was furious...to say the least.
He began screaming at Jake, "How could you do this, how could you be so reckless, do you have a complete disregard for her safety, you are the adult here you knew what could happen, there were precautions that you could've taken, how could you have done this to her?" Jake hung his head, looking shameful, but sat silent a part of me wondered if he agreed, he didn't......did he?
I knew that my Father was clearly upset about this whole ordeal...but I also knew that it wasn't this and this alone, I felt like this would've been all the things he would've said to himself, all the things i'm sure he had thought to himself, about my impending birth a little over 10 years ago, I knew he had always felt guilty for putting my Mother's life in harm, and it wasn't fair to Jake to have to bear that wrath, even though at one time he totally agreed with my Father...
"Dad" ,I screamed, "Do not speak to him that way, I am an adult, I knew what could happen, he didn't do anything to me, we both made our own decisions..", even though I was saying it and knew it was true, it didn't take away from the fact, that I was nervous, and scared and I knew that everyone in the room knew it too, they could all hear my heart accelerating, feel the anxiety in my voice....
As I was thinking this my Father looked at me and gently shook his head, yes...
"Yes, Renesmee I know that you are nervous...", he said.
Jake rolling his eyes, said, "Please in respect of the predicament were in today, could you please leave the mental conversations to a minimum."
I stood up addressing everyone in my family..
"Listen I'm fully aware that we were very reckless in our recent decisions, but I am an adult, and I am a human and I'm entitled to make mistakes... But this, this is not a mistake, I love Jacob with all my heart and more, and there's nothing in this world that I would take in place of being the...Mother of his children." ,I said smiling and gingerly placing my hand across my stomach. "That's not to say that I'm not completely nervous, but from what I've heard everybody feels that way, so I'm ready for this adventure."
Jake stood up and hugged me, very carefully.... and whispered in my ear, "I love you Nessie, and I will be along for this ride, I'm with you every step of the way...."
Everyone slightly exhaled, "Renesmee, I will always be there for you, and if you feel this is the right decision for you then so be it, but it's not without trepidation, there could be alot of risks involved and you will have to be careful every step of the way." ,my Father said.
"Yes" ,my Mother said, "Even in the best of circumstances pregnancy can get very complicated and you are dealing with a whole new set of issues, so we must be very careful."
"I know Mom and I promise I will be, there's nothing I would do to jeopardize my health or the babies." .....the babies, baby I couldn't believe that I was going to have Jake's baby, my heart accelerated again but this time, it was pure excitement and joy, this would be our baby, our family....amazing.
Carlisle said, "Renesmee, I will go first thing in the morning and get an ultrasound machine and everything we need, this pregnancy could in turn be as unique as you are yourself, my Dear", he said softly stroking my cheek, "And obviously due to any complications that might arise it would be best for me to care for your pregnancy here, and not at the hospital, much like your own delivery.", my Mother did not like that assessment at all, and no one else seemed to either, my Father looked as if to be in pain from the mere mention of it...
"Okay, that sounds great" ,I said, "First thing in the morning then, but right now Jake and I should be heading home I could really use some rest, I'm feeling tired."
Jake stood up and took my hand, lightly placing his hand on the small of my back leading me out of the house, we were silent most of the way home and when we both felt as though we were out of earshot of my Family, we stopped, I could feel our hearts speed up in perfect sync and our eyes met, all I could do was squeal, light tears falling from my eyes, and his.... he scooped me up hugging me and we spun around, I did note however that he was holding me much lighter than usual..
"I love you Nessie" ,he said "I can't believe we're gonna have a baby!!" and with that he layed his big, strong warm hands across my stomach, gently kissing my cheek...and then my stomach, as he kneeled on one knee, he looked up at me, and his face, the face of this hardened, resilient werewolf, who had seen so much, fought for his life and mine, my Family... completely melted, and I knew he was done for....
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
Monday, September 6, 2010
Well now we know...
I literally could not move, I wanted to, I wanted to be able to coherently count the days in my head, I wanted to scream, I wanted to tell Jake... somewhere in my mind I had registered that he was holding my face between his hands, somewhere I knew that he was screaming my name, although I couldn't have heard what he was saying over the roar in my ears, the roar being caused by my heart fluttering so fast it could've burst through my chest, I could feel his heat in my face, see the look of panic in his eyes, but I couldn't do anything I couldn't even breath...
It had now been a full month since the wedding and everything had been perfect, the days had all combined and blurred together into my perfect piece of existence...
I was finally committed to the man I love, he was mine and I was his. We had our whole lives ahead of us... my family had welcomed him with welcome arms, and his the same. We had a beautiful little home to start our family.....start our family....
Suddenly, I could think cohesively despite the fact that I had fell to my knees, Jake said, "Ness, Ness, say something, anything please...if you don't speak right now, I'm going to get your parents, I can-"
"Jake", I said lying my hand softly against his cheek, "Calm down, I just know... I mean I think I finally figured out what's wrong, why I haven't been feeling like myself lately, you know tired, and completely opposed to even the thought of hunting".
I could see as I spoke that the thoughts were forming in his mind too, I could see things fitting and clicking together, and I could see the tears well up in his eyes. I showed him what now, should have been so clear to me for the last week, he feebly shook his head yes, his eyes innocent and slightly blank...
Just then I felt another set of hands on my face, and the difference was astronomical, my Mother was looking into my eyes sympathetically, a line of worry creasing her forehead, I looked up at her and she could see in my face that this wasn't the situation she had feared it might be, and then she hugged me.
In all the confusion it took me a minute to realize, that while I had discovered what was going on, no one else should have known yet, I mean Alice wasn't able to see us the way she could see other people, so how?
Just then my Father and Carlisle approached us, my Father a look of worry displayed all over his face, and I took that as a result to my lack of worry. Carlisle said, "Renesmee, I guess there's no need for me to explain to you what your recent bloodwork revealed to me today..."
"No, Grandpa Carlisle, I don't think that will be necessary.." , I said.
Just then Jake seemed to pop back to reality, he looked up at my Father's face, and then to Carlisle, "But, you can explain it to me, just so I know we're all on the same page here", he said.
"Well, let's all go back to the house, and we'll have a long talk...", my Father said... and for the first time in a long time the look on his face portrayed vampire, and his glare was set on Jake....
Chills ran down my spine, what was doubly worse was that this was'nt just a vampire, this was my Father and at this moment that seemed all the more frightening.
This could be the longest talk of my life...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
It had now been a full month since the wedding and everything had been perfect, the days had all combined and blurred together into my perfect piece of existence...
I was finally committed to the man I love, he was mine and I was his. We had our whole lives ahead of us... my family had welcomed him with welcome arms, and his the same. We had a beautiful little home to start our family.....start our family....
Suddenly, I could think cohesively despite the fact that I had fell to my knees, Jake said, "Ness, Ness, say something, anything please...if you don't speak right now, I'm going to get your parents, I can-"
"Jake", I said lying my hand softly against his cheek, "Calm down, I just know... I mean I think I finally figured out what's wrong, why I haven't been feeling like myself lately, you know tired, and completely opposed to even the thought of hunting".
I could see as I spoke that the thoughts were forming in his mind too, I could see things fitting and clicking together, and I could see the tears well up in his eyes. I showed him what now, should have been so clear to me for the last week, he feebly shook his head yes, his eyes innocent and slightly blank...
Just then I felt another set of hands on my face, and the difference was astronomical, my Mother was looking into my eyes sympathetically, a line of worry creasing her forehead, I looked up at her and she could see in my face that this wasn't the situation she had feared it might be, and then she hugged me.
In all the confusion it took me a minute to realize, that while I had discovered what was going on, no one else should have known yet, I mean Alice wasn't able to see us the way she could see other people, so how?
Just then my Father and Carlisle approached us, my Father a look of worry displayed all over his face, and I took that as a result to my lack of worry. Carlisle said, "Renesmee, I guess there's no need for me to explain to you what your recent bloodwork revealed to me today..."
"No, Grandpa Carlisle, I don't think that will be necessary.." , I said.
Just then Jake seemed to pop back to reality, he looked up at my Father's face, and then to Carlisle, "But, you can explain it to me, just so I know we're all on the same page here", he said.
"Well, let's all go back to the house, and we'll have a long talk...", my Father said... and for the first time in a long time the look on his face portrayed vampire, and his glare was set on Jake....
Chills ran down my spine, what was doubly worse was that this was'nt just a vampire, this was my Father and at this moment that seemed all the more frightening.
This could be the longest talk of my life...
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
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