But we were both brimming with excitement, and couldn't wait until we could spill the beans...
it's funny because I had planned on going to school this fall, I had planned on taking the time to enjoy just being newlyweds with Jake, I had so many plans I had thought needed to be accomplished before we had children, but a quote comes to mind that I feel like expresses my sentiment exactly...
"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of Mother's Love."
I was so excited and anxious to see Carlisle the next morning that I barely slept a wink, I was excited to see the baby for the first time, and I was anxious to....see the baby for the first time. I couldn't wait to see this new life growing inside me, but I was worried whether or not everything would be okay..
I think Jake felt the same, because while I hadn't been sleeping well for weeks, he had been sleeping like a baby... every night... But, tonight he was tossing and turning all night... Grumbling and talking in his sleep, growling and tossing his pillow over and over, he always liked the cold side of his pillow, something that I thought was insanely cute... Finally at around 3 am he rolled over to me, I had my eyes closed, thinking but was in no way asleep...
"Ness..."
"Hmm..."
"Are you awake?"
"Yes", I said, opening one eye, he started laughing and kissed my forehead..
"Are you thinking?"
"Yeah, are you?" I said opening both eyes...
"Yeah, I'm just wondering if your really okay, or if your putting up a brave front?"
"No, really Jake I'm okay, as long as our babies okay, I'll be okay.." ,I said smiling and pecking him on the cheek, we intertwined our hands together and he put one of my arms behind my back, wrapping his arm around my waist pulling himself as close as he could to me...
"Ness, I couldn't be more excited to start a family with you, I've dreamed about it since the day you knew you were my imprint... it's all I've ever wanted out of life...." ,he said.
"But..."
"But...", and everything that was written across his face, every doubt swimming through his mind came spilling out, "I can't imagine any greater fear, than waking up....without you here, though the sun would still shine on, the world would keep going, but my whole world would all be gone.... there would be no reason for living, you are my whole world Renesmee..."
I could feel the pain ripple through his whole body, and it broke my heart, because I knew had the situation been reversed I would have felt the same...
"I just feel selfish for putting your life at risk, because I want a family with you, I want it so bad I could taste it, see it, I feel like I could reach right out and touch it, but at what expense? Not you, that's more than I can give..."
Give... I understood him using this word, because I was his to give, and I knew he felt that way, I was his from the day I was born, from the day, his eyes met mine...
"Everything inside me came undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby.The gravity of the earth no longer tied me to the place where I stood. It was the baby girl in the blond vampire’s arms that held me here now. Renesmee." Eclipse
I held his head in my arms as he tucked into the hollow of my neck, I laid my hand to his throat to show him everything I'd been thinking and feeling, Jake I know it's going to be okay... I just know, Carlisle's an amazing Doctor and he will take every precaution, I'm strong, and I will be the Mother of your children, I've seen it, I can feel it, I've wanted it just as bad as you.... He looked up into my eyes and he couldn't question that I was being genuine, I think what he feared most was that I wasn't being honest about wanting this and I was just doing it for him, now that he knew the truth, I could tell he felt a little better...
"So, now I'm wondering something else...." ,he said.
"What's that Jake?"
"Do you think it would be rude to show up at someones house at 3 am even if that someone is a vampire and doesn't technically have to sleep?"
"I was just wondering that same thing...." We both hopped up to get dressed and head for our first baby appointment....
As Always With Love Renesmee Cullen-Black as interpreted by Elizabeth Queen
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